Tuesday Tidbits 7/26/06
Tuesday Tidbits
"dedicated to the discovery of trivial, nay, totally useless facts that sometimes are true..."
International News
Hezbollah Complains of Israel Using Too Many Bombs
The leaders of Hezbollah issued a statement today decrying Israel's use of bombs in their conflict. "You don't think we have bombs? Oh we have bombs alright, but we choose to play nice and not use them, unlike the Jewish scum supported by the Great White Satan, America. They are testing our patience and should know we just might stop being nice people and begin using those bombs on Israelis. Then my friends, they will see the wrath of the Hezbollah!"
When asked about how they would deliver the bombs, since they have no airplanes, the leaders of Hezbollah replied, "We're talking about bombs here, not airplanes. Did anyone here even hear me mention airplanes? I think not. It is another ruse by the Great White Satan to confuse our words so those who hear us won't understand our great mighty power! Besides, we have just received a shipment of pink Yugos that make excellent bomb delivery vehicles and being they are so small, they are hardly even noticable. You will feel the hot burning lashes of Allah's whip across your backsides and you will whimper as you run away like the dogs that you are!"
On a side note, Mary Kay Cosmetics is sueing the Hezbollah for copyright infringement of using their color of pink for their Yugos. "We are a quality company that endorses only the best for our customers and quite frankly, a bunch of Hezbollah maniacs driving pink Yugos does nothing for our image. Now excuse me, I have a bunny to go do some testing on..."
National News
John Kerry Claims, "If I Were President, There Would be no Fighting in the Mideast!"
Senator John Kerry stepped up to the microphone and denounced the Bush administration, blaming them for all of the fighting in the Mideast. Proclaiming his plans would have not promoted fighting but instead would have promoted peace, Senator Kerry revealed his plan for getting all parties to the table for negotiating a peace settlement.
"I would've invited them all over to the house in Paris for a nice meal. My cook there can whip up the best ham and potatos dish ever! We could drink a little wine, have a little pork, maybe even do a catfish fry that evening before we all sat down together and talked this little problem out. It's not like this fighting has been going on for any length of time. We can still nip it in the bud before it becomes something bigger than a little spat between Israel and the Hezbollah."
State News
Texas Puts in Bid for Next Winter Olympics
Revealing their plan for bringing big bucks to the Lone Star State, Governor Rick Perry announced the State of Texas would actively pursue the bid for the 2013 Winter Olympic Games. "We feel this would be a great fit, Texas hospitality with all of those foreigners bringing in cash to spend here. Now they should know up front, after the games, they really do need to leave. We've got enough squatters already in this state that don't speak no English and we don't need no more of them funny sounding folks sticking around confusing the rest of us."
Jose Enrique, president of Isolating Dumb Inconsenquential Officials of Texas! (IDIOT!), is protesting the new campaign for several reasons; "We don't have enough snow in this State to hold a Winter Olympics, we don't have mountains in the areas that do get snow, and most importantly, there isn't a 2013 Winter Olympics!"
Governor Perry was quick to denounce the negative vibes he felt from Enrique's campaign. "It is small thinkers like that Jose fella who keep Texas from being a bigger State than it already is."
The IOCC is expected to make a ruling on the bid as soon as they can stop laughing...
Editorial
Time to Face the Music
As the jury debates the fate of Andrea Yates I have to wonder if maybe it is time for the ol' gal to face the music and take responsibility for her actions. Bottom line; she chased down her five kids and drowned them in the bathtub. Is she crazy? Most likely. Was she insane? Definitely. Should she get the needle for her actions? I don't think so, but I do believe she should never have the opportunity to ever breath air as a free woman.
Mental illness is an issue we can agree deserves a special provision within the penal system. Getting a person help is another area where we can agree a person who needs such help, deserves such help. However, when that person has murdered five innocent children, they don't deserve freedom but should get five life sentences, no parole, in a facility that can help her with her mental problems.
Yes, I think it is time for Ms. Yates to face the music and baby, the tune sounds like a dirge, played over the soon to be deceased, your freedom.
Movie Review
The Floyd Landis Show is Superb!
Okay, I didn't watch any movies worthy of reviewing as I was watching the Tour de France. While this isn't a movie, it did have great drama, a fantastic story line, and a happy ending. How could you not like the main character, played by Mr. Landis himself, as he battles back from a crash, 8 minutes behind the leader, and then obtains victory by riding one of the most amazing races ever through the alps?
I would give this potential movie five quills... make that five quills dressed in yellow jerseys.
Disclaimer: As always, there is very little factual information to be found in the Tuesday Tidbits. Use at your own risk.
"dedicated to the discovery of trivial, nay, totally useless facts that sometimes are true..."
International News
Hezbollah Complains of Israel Using Too Many Bombs
The leaders of Hezbollah issued a statement today decrying Israel's use of bombs in their conflict. "You don't think we have bombs? Oh we have bombs alright, but we choose to play nice and not use them, unlike the Jewish scum supported by the Great White Satan, America. They are testing our patience and should know we just might stop being nice people and begin using those bombs on Israelis. Then my friends, they will see the wrath of the Hezbollah!"
When asked about how they would deliver the bombs, since they have no airplanes, the leaders of Hezbollah replied, "We're talking about bombs here, not airplanes. Did anyone here even hear me mention airplanes? I think not. It is another ruse by the Great White Satan to confuse our words so those who hear us won't understand our great mighty power! Besides, we have just received a shipment of pink Yugos that make excellent bomb delivery vehicles and being they are so small, they are hardly even noticable. You will feel the hot burning lashes of Allah's whip across your backsides and you will whimper as you run away like the dogs that you are!"
On a side note, Mary Kay Cosmetics is sueing the Hezbollah for copyright infringement of using their color of pink for their Yugos. "We are a quality company that endorses only the best for our customers and quite frankly, a bunch of Hezbollah maniacs driving pink Yugos does nothing for our image. Now excuse me, I have a bunny to go do some testing on..."
National News
John Kerry Claims, "If I Were President, There Would be no Fighting in the Mideast!"
Senator John Kerry stepped up to the microphone and denounced the Bush administration, blaming them for all of the fighting in the Mideast. Proclaiming his plans would have not promoted fighting but instead would have promoted peace, Senator Kerry revealed his plan for getting all parties to the table for negotiating a peace settlement.
"I would've invited them all over to the house in Paris for a nice meal. My cook there can whip up the best ham and potatos dish ever! We could drink a little wine, have a little pork, maybe even do a catfish fry that evening before we all sat down together and talked this little problem out. It's not like this fighting has been going on for any length of time. We can still nip it in the bud before it becomes something bigger than a little spat between Israel and the Hezbollah."
State News
Texas Puts in Bid for Next Winter Olympics
Revealing their plan for bringing big bucks to the Lone Star State, Governor Rick Perry announced the State of Texas would actively pursue the bid for the 2013 Winter Olympic Games. "We feel this would be a great fit, Texas hospitality with all of those foreigners bringing in cash to spend here. Now they should know up front, after the games, they really do need to leave. We've got enough squatters already in this state that don't speak no English and we don't need no more of them funny sounding folks sticking around confusing the rest of us."
Jose Enrique, president of Isolating Dumb Inconsenquential Officials of Texas! (IDIOT!), is protesting the new campaign for several reasons; "We don't have enough snow in this State to hold a Winter Olympics, we don't have mountains in the areas that do get snow, and most importantly, there isn't a 2013 Winter Olympics!"
Governor Perry was quick to denounce the negative vibes he felt from Enrique's campaign. "It is small thinkers like that Jose fella who keep Texas from being a bigger State than it already is."
The IOCC is expected to make a ruling on the bid as soon as they can stop laughing...
Editorial
Time to Face the Music
As the jury debates the fate of Andrea Yates I have to wonder if maybe it is time for the ol' gal to face the music and take responsibility for her actions. Bottom line; she chased down her five kids and drowned them in the bathtub. Is she crazy? Most likely. Was she insane? Definitely. Should she get the needle for her actions? I don't think so, but I do believe she should never have the opportunity to ever breath air as a free woman.
Mental illness is an issue we can agree deserves a special provision within the penal system. Getting a person help is another area where we can agree a person who needs such help, deserves such help. However, when that person has murdered five innocent children, they don't deserve freedom but should get five life sentences, no parole, in a facility that can help her with her mental problems.
Yes, I think it is time for Ms. Yates to face the music and baby, the tune sounds like a dirge, played over the soon to be deceased, your freedom.
Movie Review
The Floyd Landis Show is Superb!
Okay, I didn't watch any movies worthy of reviewing as I was watching the Tour de France. While this isn't a movie, it did have great drama, a fantastic story line, and a happy ending. How could you not like the main character, played by Mr. Landis himself, as he battles back from a crash, 8 minutes behind the leader, and then obtains victory by riding one of the most amazing races ever through the alps?
I would give this potential movie five quills... make that five quills dressed in yellow jerseys.
Disclaimer: As always, there is very little factual information to be found in the Tuesday Tidbits. Use at your own risk.
posted by Frustrated Writer | 3:10 AM
2 Comments:
LOL! your tidbits are always good!
I always enjoy your tidbits! And I'm enjoying that the Hezbollah talk in third person!
As for movies, one that you might enjoy checking out for a future tidbits - Secondhand Lions. I saw it again today and remembered why I liked it the first time.
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