Tuesday Tidbits 8/8/06
International News
Frustrated Friendzied Forecasters Frantically Fuss Over Future Finding of Fidel!
Political pundits and prognasticating personnel are all in a tizzy trying to decide if the lack of news on Fidel Castro means he is dying, being replaced, or has slipped off to take a mini-vacation. No one has seen El Jefe' since the operation which brings about speculations from all sides.
"The people of Cuba no need to worry. El Jefe' is fine. He just need a leetle rest," is the common statement heard from senior officials. One pro-Castro group is convinced the leader of Cuba is running around the island incognito and has taken to stopping any cigar smoking and bearded man to see if it might not be El Jefe'. Hundreds of people have been shoved against the walls of buildings as suspicious folks dig through their pockets for identification.
"I wouldn't have minded the search so much," reports Abigal Gonzalez, "except I am not a man, I smoke robustos and not Churchills, my beard and mustache are really quite small, and I am at least three inches taller than El Jefe'."
The world will just have to wait to see how this week plays out to see if the prognosticators are correct in their guessing of El Jefe's fate.
National News
The Big Dig Reopens... Sort Of!
Bostonians are jumping for joy as a ramp has been repopened and once again they can travel underground to get to their destinations. The newly reopened section is only about 10% of the closed areas, but it is a start.
The $14.6 billion Big Dig highway project buried a highway network that used to slice through the city, creating a series of tunnels to take traffic underground. Although it's been billed an engineering marvel, the most expensive highway project in U.S. history has also been plagued by leaks, falling debris, delays and other problems linked to faulty construction. State and federal criminal investigations are also under way to determine if construction failures resulted from criminal negligence, and the system faces financial hurdles.
"Nothing criminal here." State Representative Golda Digger reported. "We made sure the project was built to specifications and the money was well spent. Why we even flew to the Bahamas to take a look at a set of brackets that would hold these huge honkin' slabs of cement in place just to make sure they were what we needed to have a safe and sturdy tunnel."
When she was reminded the brackets used were too small and the reason the slabs of concrete fell down and crushed motorists, Ms. Digger was quick to reply, "See, that is why we needed to stay two weeks to investigate those brackets instead of the one week we had. It just goes to show you can't rush important decisions such as tunnel brackets. Now I suspect people will be glad we took the full two weeks of investigating the sealing rubber mesh used to keep those tunnels from leaking. We had to go to the France to check those babies out."
Wondering if Ms. Digger believed strongly enough in the Big Dig project to take a walk through the tunnel, Ms. Digger replied to journalists, "I really can't do that as I have a phobia about cement falling from the sky in dark leaky tunnels..."
State News
Penguins Perish In Truck Accident
Twenty-five penguins were in peril, and four of them perished in an accident Tuesday along U.S. 59 north of Marshall in Northeast Texas.
A semitrailer load of penguins, exotic fish, an octopus and exotic birds bound from the Indianapolis Zoo to Moody Gardens in Galveston overturned about 5 a.m. One penguin was killed immediately. Three others that survived the initial rollover were then shot by hunters who thought they were oversized quail.
"I knowed they was different from other quails I seen but I thought maybe they was some of them exotic quails from over in Africa," said local Marshall resident John Luke Tomlinson. "I sure didn't knowed they was some kind of zoo animal. Did kind of wonder why someone would be hauling all them gators though as we gots plenty of 'em hanging around here."
The Moody Gardens has planned a memorial service for the extinguished penguins slated for tomorrow morning. Visitors are requested to dress appropriately. (Yes, that would mean a tux for the gentlemen.)
Editorial
Is it stalking or just concern?
With new stalking laws going into effect soon, I have to wonder if stalking shouldn't be better defined for the layman so you typical Joe out there will know when he or she has crossed the line. For instance, if a love sick boyfriend wants to plead his case to his recently ex-girlfriend, will he be stalking her if he follows her around, showering her with candy and flowers or does it only become stalking when he showers her with broccoli and asparagus instead? I called the Attorney General and asked for some guidance in understanding this new law.
TT: So when does persistance morph into stalking?
AG: Well, it isn't always easy to define the boundaries and you really have to take each case by itself to determine if stalking has occurred.
TT: Hmm, let's say I have a friend who is trying to get back with his girlfriend and so he has left her a few voicemails, sent flowers, and even sent a mariachi band to seranade her. Is that considered stalking?
AG: Depends if his ex-girlfriend has asked him to stop or not.
TT: Well she did ask him not to leave any more voicemails because she thought 27 voicemails was obsessive.
AG: I would agree with that.
TT: 27 voicemails is excessive? Really? Now I would agree that 28 voicemails could be construed as being excessive, but leaving 27 is just being adorable, right?
AG: Sounds like I should talk with your friend.
TT: Why? Are you going to tell me following her around in the Mall and sending pictures of her hanging out with an obvious gigilo is considered stalking too? What next? Are you going to tell me I, oops, I mean "he" can't hang outside her apartment at night peeping through her window because of deep concern over her personal safety?
AG: I really think maybe we should continue this discussion down at the police station.
TT: Why? You don't even know who my friend is...
It certainly appears the AG's office isn't even sure how to interpret the new stalking laws so how do they expect us too?
Volunteer Corner
Memory Walk Scheduled for Local Alzheimer's Switches Participants, Needs Volunteers
Julie Sue Simpson is seeking volunteers to help with the 2nd Annual Memory Walk to be held at Jimmy Bob Colburn Park. This year the event will take the traditional route and use volunteers to get sponsors and to walk the 5 mile course.
"Last year we used our clients and really raised some great funds but when we realized that none of them could remember where to walk and we spent the next 5 hours hunting them down, we decided to use the more traditional format. We believe our clients will be much safer at the center where they can wander around without fear of being lost."
Volunteers can pick up forms for sponsorships at the new Alzheimer's wing next to the hospital.
Movie Review
Tripping out with Tripping the Rift
I realize this is technically a television series but after watching it this weekend, I am thinking I would've paid to see these 3-D animated clips at the movies. I wouldn't suggest them for younger audiences but anyone who enjoys seeing the sci-fi genre made light of in a most witty manner will love these shows. The commander is a rogue, the nephew is an teen searching for his identity, the robot is gay (although he constantly claims he is not acting gay, he is acting robot), the First Mate is the ugliest and most sarcastic creature imaginable, with the only sane person in the group being the cyborg who just happens to be a knockout. Is this series irreverent? Absolutely. Does the series push the limits of good taste? Oh, for sure! But will it tickle you funny bone in an intellectual manner as well as in a slapsticky fashion to give you the best of both worlds? Oh yeah, baby, no doubt about it. I give this DVD five quills. Okay, maybe four quills since one scene from the series is fairly gross.
Disclaimer: As always the Tuesday Tidbits are sometimes true, partially false, and can be totally made up. Quote them at your own risk.
Frustrated Friendzied Forecasters Frantically Fuss Over Future Finding of Fidel!
Political pundits and prognasticating personnel are all in a tizzy trying to decide if the lack of news on Fidel Castro means he is dying, being replaced, or has slipped off to take a mini-vacation. No one has seen El Jefe' since the operation which brings about speculations from all sides.
"The people of Cuba no need to worry. El Jefe' is fine. He just need a leetle rest," is the common statement heard from senior officials. One pro-Castro group is convinced the leader of Cuba is running around the island incognito and has taken to stopping any cigar smoking and bearded man to see if it might not be El Jefe'. Hundreds of people have been shoved against the walls of buildings as suspicious folks dig through their pockets for identification.
"I wouldn't have minded the search so much," reports Abigal Gonzalez, "except I am not a man, I smoke robustos and not Churchills, my beard and mustache are really quite small, and I am at least three inches taller than El Jefe'."
The world will just have to wait to see how this week plays out to see if the prognosticators are correct in their guessing of El Jefe's fate.
National News
The Big Dig Reopens... Sort Of!
Bostonians are jumping for joy as a ramp has been repopened and once again they can travel underground to get to their destinations. The newly reopened section is only about 10% of the closed areas, but it is a start.
The $14.6 billion Big Dig highway project buried a highway network that used to slice through the city, creating a series of tunnels to take traffic underground. Although it's been billed an engineering marvel, the most expensive highway project in U.S. history has also been plagued by leaks, falling debris, delays and other problems linked to faulty construction. State and federal criminal investigations are also under way to determine if construction failures resulted from criminal negligence, and the system faces financial hurdles.
"Nothing criminal here." State Representative Golda Digger reported. "We made sure the project was built to specifications and the money was well spent. Why we even flew to the Bahamas to take a look at a set of brackets that would hold these huge honkin' slabs of cement in place just to make sure they were what we needed to have a safe and sturdy tunnel."
When she was reminded the brackets used were too small and the reason the slabs of concrete fell down and crushed motorists, Ms. Digger was quick to reply, "See, that is why we needed to stay two weeks to investigate those brackets instead of the one week we had. It just goes to show you can't rush important decisions such as tunnel brackets. Now I suspect people will be glad we took the full two weeks of investigating the sealing rubber mesh used to keep those tunnels from leaking. We had to go to the France to check those babies out."
Wondering if Ms. Digger believed strongly enough in the Big Dig project to take a walk through the tunnel, Ms. Digger replied to journalists, "I really can't do that as I have a phobia about cement falling from the sky in dark leaky tunnels..."
State News
Penguins Perish In Truck Accident
Twenty-five penguins were in peril, and four of them perished in an accident Tuesday along U.S. 59 north of Marshall in Northeast Texas.
A semitrailer load of penguins, exotic fish, an octopus and exotic birds bound from the Indianapolis Zoo to Moody Gardens in Galveston overturned about 5 a.m. One penguin was killed immediately. Three others that survived the initial rollover were then shot by hunters who thought they were oversized quail.
"I knowed they was different from other quails I seen but I thought maybe they was some of them exotic quails from over in Africa," said local Marshall resident John Luke Tomlinson. "I sure didn't knowed they was some kind of zoo animal. Did kind of wonder why someone would be hauling all them gators though as we gots plenty of 'em hanging around here."
The Moody Gardens has planned a memorial service for the extinguished penguins slated for tomorrow morning. Visitors are requested to dress appropriately. (Yes, that would mean a tux for the gentlemen.)
Editorial
Is it stalking or just concern?
With new stalking laws going into effect soon, I have to wonder if stalking shouldn't be better defined for the layman so you typical Joe out there will know when he or she has crossed the line. For instance, if a love sick boyfriend wants to plead his case to his recently ex-girlfriend, will he be stalking her if he follows her around, showering her with candy and flowers or does it only become stalking when he showers her with broccoli and asparagus instead? I called the Attorney General and asked for some guidance in understanding this new law.
TT: So when does persistance morph into stalking?
AG: Well, it isn't always easy to define the boundaries and you really have to take each case by itself to determine if stalking has occurred.
TT: Hmm, let's say I have a friend who is trying to get back with his girlfriend and so he has left her a few voicemails, sent flowers, and even sent a mariachi band to seranade her. Is that considered stalking?
AG: Depends if his ex-girlfriend has asked him to stop or not.
TT: Well she did ask him not to leave any more voicemails because she thought 27 voicemails was obsessive.
AG: I would agree with that.
TT: 27 voicemails is excessive? Really? Now I would agree that 28 voicemails could be construed as being excessive, but leaving 27 is just being adorable, right?
AG: Sounds like I should talk with your friend.
TT: Why? Are you going to tell me following her around in the Mall and sending pictures of her hanging out with an obvious gigilo is considered stalking too? What next? Are you going to tell me I, oops, I mean "he" can't hang outside her apartment at night peeping through her window because of deep concern over her personal safety?
AG: I really think maybe we should continue this discussion down at the police station.
TT: Why? You don't even know who my friend is...
It certainly appears the AG's office isn't even sure how to interpret the new stalking laws so how do they expect us too?
Volunteer Corner
Memory Walk Scheduled for Local Alzheimer's Switches Participants, Needs Volunteers
Julie Sue Simpson is seeking volunteers to help with the 2nd Annual Memory Walk to be held at Jimmy Bob Colburn Park. This year the event will take the traditional route and use volunteers to get sponsors and to walk the 5 mile course.
"Last year we used our clients and really raised some great funds but when we realized that none of them could remember where to walk and we spent the next 5 hours hunting them down, we decided to use the more traditional format. We believe our clients will be much safer at the center where they can wander around without fear of being lost."
Volunteers can pick up forms for sponsorships at the new Alzheimer's wing next to the hospital.
Movie Review
Tripping out with Tripping the Rift
I realize this is technically a television series but after watching it this weekend, I am thinking I would've paid to see these 3-D animated clips at the movies. I wouldn't suggest them for younger audiences but anyone who enjoys seeing the sci-fi genre made light of in a most witty manner will love these shows. The commander is a rogue, the nephew is an teen searching for his identity, the robot is gay (although he constantly claims he is not acting gay, he is acting robot), the First Mate is the ugliest and most sarcastic creature imaginable, with the only sane person in the group being the cyborg who just happens to be a knockout. Is this series irreverent? Absolutely. Does the series push the limits of good taste? Oh, for sure! But will it tickle you funny bone in an intellectual manner as well as in a slapsticky fashion to give you the best of both worlds? Oh yeah, baby, no doubt about it. I give this DVD five quills. Okay, maybe four quills since one scene from the series is fairly gross.
Disclaimer: As always the Tuesday Tidbits are sometimes true, partially false, and can be totally made up. Quote them at your own risk.
posted by Frustrated Writer | 6:33 AM
3 Comments:
ha! wonderful as always!
the Alzheimer's Memory Walk here is in a week or two, I think. I've done it once, but usually run the March of Dimes.
the poor penguins!
love the stalker bit. but who would want to be showered in broccoli and asparagus?
have a good night!
The penguins made me sad.
The part about stalking is funny.
ha ha! Ah yes... the highlight of my blog-reading week.
We could perhaps bring all of these stories together by concluding with the tale of Fidel and penguins tumbling from a truck where they are trampled by Alheimers walkers raising funds by guinnea-pigging the safety of the Big Dig Tunnel.
but, i guess that might be taking biases news coverage a little too far.
on another note, I'll be checking out the reviewed dvd.
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