Tuesday Tidbits Return!
Tuesday Tidbits
Dedicated to telling the truth about somethings, lying about others, but totally making all of it up.
International Scene
Chinese Blow Up Temporary Dam
A group of Chinese engineers blew up a temporary dam today releasing the fury of the Yangtze river on the 3 Gorges dam. In preparation of the massive onslaught of water, fish were repelled away from the existing dam with electroshock warnings. The engineers are fairly sure over 90% of the fish fled the scene with only 10% taking the hit of almost 3,000 tons of concrete rubble flying by.
Cheif Marine Biologist, Tang To Pao, was adament the 10% that died chose to rise up in rebellion against the mother land and therefore deserved their untimely death. He went on further to say his lab techs had deciphered the responses from the remaining fish and after each jolt of juice, the fish were reportedly screaming, "Hit me again baby! Let me have another zap of that joy juice!" The rest of the world's scientist are questioning the response of Tang To Pao and many are being bold enough to venture the fish didn't make any response of any kind. Wildlife biologist for the Apache Reservation in Arizona, Chief Rain Bo Trout, was quick to condemn the action of the Chinese Engineers. "Those dam fish didn't have a chance as that dam was coming apart in chunks big enough to brain a good sized elk."
National Scene
President Bush to Visit Alien Free Site
President George Bush visited Artesia, New Mexico today to examine the new Border Patrol training facility housed outside of Artesia's International Airport. President Bush was impressed with the operation of the facility stating,
"They got this place so secure that I bet not one illegal alien will ever get into it." We're thinking he just might be right.
Charity Update
Fred Feelgood's Foundation For Failing FlimFlammers Feeds Fish Friday.
It is time once again for the Fred Feelgood Foundation's Fifth Annual Fish Fry and Hushpuppy Bobbing contest. This year the Order of Higher Bobbing Old Yahoos (OHBOY) will be frying 1,000 pounds of catfish, 25,000 hush puppies, and slicing and dicing away to make 500 pounds of coleslaw to raise funds for the flimflammers hardest hit by new technology.
"A good flimflammer good fleece you in a few minutes, back in the good old days. Not now, now he is lucky if he can pull the wool over one cat's eyes and everyone knows you can't live off of one skin a day, " George Gipperman, chairman of the Fish Fry, stated.
The general public is invited to come out and eat all the fish they can while having the opportunity to bid on the Brooklyn Bridge, which is currently setting next to the great white sandy beach of Phoenix, Arizona. Admission into the fish fry is $7, the bridge and beach will be extra.
Movie Review: Breaking Up
Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston should guarantee a knockout movie but this movie wasn't great because of their acting, but was great because of the supporting cast is flat hilarious. I would rate this movie a winner as it brings us to the real question in life during the final scene: Can Life Get Any More Frustrating? Yup, it is a cliff hanger folks and you will scream when you see the final scene. I guarantee it. I can't remember my rating system but if it was a 5 star system, then I would give this movie 3 1/2 stars.
Editorial
Catch and Release?
Climbing around the trout streams in Arizona I encountered a man who stopped long enough to look at me with contempt and ask,
"Did you catch anything?"
"Yup, caught two."
"I am a sportsman. I catch and release."
"I am a sportsman too. I catch and eat."
The haughtiness of the man really ticked me off since he also looked at my ultralight tackle and then at his expensive fly rod and obviously passed judgement on my fishing abilities. Hmm, is the man really a sportsman or is he a pansy, afraid to get his dainty little hands dirty by cleaning his catch? I would lean to the pansy side since I couldn't help but notice his meticulously kept manicured fingers.
Is catch and release all that sporting? How many dead trout do you have to encounter before you start to question the practice. Wouldn't they be better off cooking on a grill than rotting in the bottom of a stream? I think so. So to my lazy, "oh please, don't make me gut the nasty little fish" sportsman, fish in another W@#$)($+)@(#&* stream and leave us fishermen alone. We've got trout to slay, clean and eat... like God intended.
Annual
Dedicated to telling the truth about somethings, lying about others, but totally making all of it up.
International Scene
Chinese Blow Up Temporary Dam
A group of Chinese engineers blew up a temporary dam today releasing the fury of the Yangtze river on the 3 Gorges dam. In preparation of the massive onslaught of water, fish were repelled away from the existing dam with electroshock warnings. The engineers are fairly sure over 90% of the fish fled the scene with only 10% taking the hit of almost 3,000 tons of concrete rubble flying by.
Cheif Marine Biologist, Tang To Pao, was adament the 10% that died chose to rise up in rebellion against the mother land and therefore deserved their untimely death. He went on further to say his lab techs had deciphered the responses from the remaining fish and after each jolt of juice, the fish were reportedly screaming, "Hit me again baby! Let me have another zap of that joy juice!" The rest of the world's scientist are questioning the response of Tang To Pao and many are being bold enough to venture the fish didn't make any response of any kind. Wildlife biologist for the Apache Reservation in Arizona, Chief Rain Bo Trout, was quick to condemn the action of the Chinese Engineers. "Those dam fish didn't have a chance as that dam was coming apart in chunks big enough to brain a good sized elk."
National Scene
President Bush to Visit Alien Free Site
President George Bush visited Artesia, New Mexico today to examine the new Border Patrol training facility housed outside of Artesia's International Airport. President Bush was impressed with the operation of the facility stating,
"They got this place so secure that I bet not one illegal alien will ever get into it." We're thinking he just might be right.
Charity Update
Fred Feelgood's Foundation For Failing FlimFlammers Feeds Fish Friday.
It is time once again for the Fred Feelgood Foundation's Fifth Annual Fish Fry and Hushpuppy Bobbing contest. This year the Order of Higher Bobbing Old Yahoos (OHBOY) will be frying 1,000 pounds of catfish, 25,000 hush puppies, and slicing and dicing away to make 500 pounds of coleslaw to raise funds for the flimflammers hardest hit by new technology.
"A good flimflammer good fleece you in a few minutes, back in the good old days. Not now, now he is lucky if he can pull the wool over one cat's eyes and everyone knows you can't live off of one skin a day, " George Gipperman, chairman of the Fish Fry, stated.
The general public is invited to come out and eat all the fish they can while having the opportunity to bid on the Brooklyn Bridge, which is currently setting next to the great white sandy beach of Phoenix, Arizona. Admission into the fish fry is $7, the bridge and beach will be extra.
Movie Review: Breaking Up
Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston should guarantee a knockout movie but this movie wasn't great because of their acting, but was great because of the supporting cast is flat hilarious. I would rate this movie a winner as it brings us to the real question in life during the final scene: Can Life Get Any More Frustrating? Yup, it is a cliff hanger folks and you will scream when you see the final scene. I guarantee it. I can't remember my rating system but if it was a 5 star system, then I would give this movie 3 1/2 stars.
Editorial
Catch and Release?
Climbing around the trout streams in Arizona I encountered a man who stopped long enough to look at me with contempt and ask,
"Did you catch anything?"
"Yup, caught two."
"I am a sportsman. I catch and release."
"I am a sportsman too. I catch and eat."
The haughtiness of the man really ticked me off since he also looked at my ultralight tackle and then at his expensive fly rod and obviously passed judgement on my fishing abilities. Hmm, is the man really a sportsman or is he a pansy, afraid to get his dainty little hands dirty by cleaning his catch? I would lean to the pansy side since I couldn't help but notice his meticulously kept manicured fingers.
Is catch and release all that sporting? How many dead trout do you have to encounter before you start to question the practice. Wouldn't they be better off cooking on a grill than rotting in the bottom of a stream? I think so. So to my lazy, "oh please, don't make me gut the nasty little fish" sportsman, fish in another W@#$)($+)@(#&* stream and leave us fishermen alone. We've got trout to slay, clean and eat... like God intended.
Annual
posted by Frustrated Writer | 5:37 PM
6 Comments:
God bless ye for returning to this weekly feature!!!
Yay..Tuesday Tidbits..
Hilarious..
I saw that dam destroyed...that was crazy..wouldn't it be funny if the zapped fish became like electrically shocked hybrid monster fish, like Godzilla, and terrorized the people..
yeah..right..haven't run right out to see The Breakup..although Vince Vaughn is one funny guy..maybe I will take it in..
At least you got the movie title right Beverly, I couldn't remember it and was too lazy to look it up.
Scott, it is nice to be back! So are you guys gonna announce me return? It would save a lot of emailing on my part...
Yeah, Scott..let's have a coming out party...or coming back party..please............
I say that fisherman is a PANSY. This reminds me of that time I was in Bass Pro Shops admiring the bounty of our Second Amendment, when a ritzy fellow walked in and pointed at a shotgun with a big price tag and decided to buy it (you know, for the, uh, shooting skills it inherently has).
What a hack! I enjoyed the trout Ram brought back--I went over to her apartment and she cooked em up. Mighty tasty!
beef and twyla - good to see you again! The company one sees a movie with does make a difference and Beef, glad the trout was tasty!
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