Tuesday Tidbits
International News
140 Blown to Bits in India
Another Al Quiada suicied bomb attack occurred today in what used to be Bombay, India. Quick to claim the responsibility for the slaughter of the innocents, Al Queerahada, temporary spokesman for Al Quaida, proudly stated on a video,
"Once again we have taken violence to the Great White Satan in Baghdad. The Americans will learn to fear us and will leave our land when they realize they can't defeat us." When a fellow member brought it to his attention they had bombed Bombay, not Baghdad, a confused Al Queerhada looked again at an outdated atlas and swore to Allah. "Are you sure? I could've sworn we sent those guys to Baghdad."
When shown on a new atlas where the bombing took place and where Baghdad actually was, Al Queerhada exclaimed...."Oops."
National News
Bush Declares Geneva Convention Rules Will Be Observed
President Bush in a statement today explained why now the POWs from the war on terror will now be subject to the laws of the Geneva Convention.
"We thought everyone was wanting us to follow the rules of the Geneva Retention and who wants to retain a Geneva? Not us. Once somebody explained that it was the Geneva Convention then we said, "Hey, we're down with that." Besides, Dick only shot a lawyer so we are pretty sure we are still okay with the rest of the laws stated in that convention thingy."
State News
"Grandma" Strayhorn Serves Weiners for 4th of July Celebration
Stumping for the governor's office, gubanatorial candidate "Grandma" Strayhorn served hot dogs to locals in the town of Cisco, Tx. Taking time to discuss her platform, Ms. Strayhorn was adament in her desire to put a Weiner in Every Texan.
In a related story, "Grandma" Strayhorn popularity ratings have dropped 16 points over night...
Volunteer Opportunities
The Knights of Columbus Plan Octoberfest
The Knights of Columbus have announced their annual Octoberfest will be held in September this year. Kerry Johnston explained the switch to a September date was due to a discrepency with the sheriff's office last year on the beer license.
"They said we could serve beer on October 12th and because our festival was on the 13th, we asked they change the date and they refused. So we had to serve our guests communion all day long in silver chalices which hacked off Sheriff John McLoud because he thought we were still serving alcohol instead of administering the holy communion. I guess he didn't believe that hopps grew on a grapevine. So he said we would never be allowed to hold Octoberfest in October agains so we moved it up. If they screw us around again this year, communion will be held again on the day of the festival."
Cost to attend this year's festival is $20 for all the bratwurst and beer you can consume. In the event of another alcohol snafu, the cost will be $10 for all the bratwurst you can consume and a $10 tithe will be required for you to partake of all the holy communion you can consume too.
Editorial
The World Cup Should be Eliminated
I must say that I honestly tried to watch the World Cup but since the American squad made a quick exit, I lost interest fairly quickly. Come on, it is a slow boring game deserving of television coverage almost as much as the shopping network is deserving of coverage. Let's get real, it is time to retire the World Cup.
Look at the facts. What country owns the most television per capita? America. What country spends more money on senseless consumer items because of blatant marketing schemes convincing them to enjoy selfish consumption of useless products? America. Who do the networks want to reach? Why Americans, of course, so why in the heck are you showing European teams playing a slow silly game of soccer?
Trust me, if you replace the World Cup with a sport worthy of American attention, such as a Desperate Housewives Sports Challenge, you will sell more junk, get a larger viewing audience and a bunch of happy Americans. Pay attention world, it is all about appeasing Americans so take your silly little game and get off the airwaves. America is waiting for something more entertaining... like a poker tournament.
I know the rest of the world thinks soccer rocks but really, can the rest of the world spend money like America? Do they have a military the size of ours? Can they even squander aide like Americans can? Why they don't even have an inkling of how deep our self gratification goes so they really don't have any reason to hold such a silly tournament. I say if an American team isn't in the running, then it is a tournament not worth watching.
Am I wrong? I think not. Just how popular was the Tour de France in America before a guy named Greg LeMond took it by storm? It has maintained its popularity because Mr. Armstrong kicked the world's butt for seven years in a row. Maybe the soccer world should take note of that... as they lose ratings and revenues. It's all about the money, baby. All about the money.
Movie Review
Cars Speeds to a Checker Flag!
Went and saw Cars and have to say it was a great movie for the whole family. Larry the Cable Guy stole the show but with such stars as Holly Hunter, Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, and T0ny Shaloub providing the voices, you are guaranteed to have a great time watching this Pixar classic. I would give this movie five quills as it is worth a second look, possibly a third look. I know I will be adding it to my collection of DVDs when it comes out.
Okay there weren't any sex scenes or huge explosions, but still, it was a great flick. Trust me on this and go see it.
Disclaimer: The Tuesday Tidbits are a semi-factual account of the news. Quote them at your own risk.
140 Blown to Bits in India
Another Al Quiada suicied bomb attack occurred today in what used to be Bombay, India. Quick to claim the responsibility for the slaughter of the innocents, Al Queerahada, temporary spokesman for Al Quaida, proudly stated on a video,
"Once again we have taken violence to the Great White Satan in Baghdad. The Americans will learn to fear us and will leave our land when they realize they can't defeat us." When a fellow member brought it to his attention they had bombed Bombay, not Baghdad, a confused Al Queerhada looked again at an outdated atlas and swore to Allah. "Are you sure? I could've sworn we sent those guys to Baghdad."
When shown on a new atlas where the bombing took place and where Baghdad actually was, Al Queerhada exclaimed...."Oops."
National News
Bush Declares Geneva Convention Rules Will Be Observed
President Bush in a statement today explained why now the POWs from the war on terror will now be subject to the laws of the Geneva Convention.
"We thought everyone was wanting us to follow the rules of the Geneva Retention and who wants to retain a Geneva? Not us. Once somebody explained that it was the Geneva Convention then we said, "Hey, we're down with that." Besides, Dick only shot a lawyer so we are pretty sure we are still okay with the rest of the laws stated in that convention thingy."
State News
"Grandma" Strayhorn Serves Weiners for 4th of July Celebration
Stumping for the governor's office, gubanatorial candidate "Grandma" Strayhorn served hot dogs to locals in the town of Cisco, Tx. Taking time to discuss her platform, Ms. Strayhorn was adament in her desire to put a Weiner in Every Texan.
In a related story, "Grandma" Strayhorn popularity ratings have dropped 16 points over night...
Volunteer Opportunities
The Knights of Columbus Plan Octoberfest
The Knights of Columbus have announced their annual Octoberfest will be held in September this year. Kerry Johnston explained the switch to a September date was due to a discrepency with the sheriff's office last year on the beer license.
"They said we could serve beer on October 12th and because our festival was on the 13th, we asked they change the date and they refused. So we had to serve our guests communion all day long in silver chalices which hacked off Sheriff John McLoud because he thought we were still serving alcohol instead of administering the holy communion. I guess he didn't believe that hopps grew on a grapevine. So he said we would never be allowed to hold Octoberfest in October agains so we moved it up. If they screw us around again this year, communion will be held again on the day of the festival."
Cost to attend this year's festival is $20 for all the bratwurst and beer you can consume. In the event of another alcohol snafu, the cost will be $10 for all the bratwurst you can consume and a $10 tithe will be required for you to partake of all the holy communion you can consume too.
Editorial
The World Cup Should be Eliminated
I must say that I honestly tried to watch the World Cup but since the American squad made a quick exit, I lost interest fairly quickly. Come on, it is a slow boring game deserving of television coverage almost as much as the shopping network is deserving of coverage. Let's get real, it is time to retire the World Cup.
Look at the facts. What country owns the most television per capita? America. What country spends more money on senseless consumer items because of blatant marketing schemes convincing them to enjoy selfish consumption of useless products? America. Who do the networks want to reach? Why Americans, of course, so why in the heck are you showing European teams playing a slow silly game of soccer?
Trust me, if you replace the World Cup with a sport worthy of American attention, such as a Desperate Housewives Sports Challenge, you will sell more junk, get a larger viewing audience and a bunch of happy Americans. Pay attention world, it is all about appeasing Americans so take your silly little game and get off the airwaves. America is waiting for something more entertaining... like a poker tournament.
I know the rest of the world thinks soccer rocks but really, can the rest of the world spend money like America? Do they have a military the size of ours? Can they even squander aide like Americans can? Why they don't even have an inkling of how deep our self gratification goes so they really don't have any reason to hold such a silly tournament. I say if an American team isn't in the running, then it is a tournament not worth watching.
Am I wrong? I think not. Just how popular was the Tour de France in America before a guy named Greg LeMond took it by storm? It has maintained its popularity because Mr. Armstrong kicked the world's butt for seven years in a row. Maybe the soccer world should take note of that... as they lose ratings and revenues. It's all about the money, baby. All about the money.
Movie Review
Cars Speeds to a Checker Flag!
Went and saw Cars and have to say it was a great movie for the whole family. Larry the Cable Guy stole the show but with such stars as Holly Hunter, Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, and T0ny Shaloub providing the voices, you are guaranteed to have a great time watching this Pixar classic. I would give this movie five quills as it is worth a second look, possibly a third look. I know I will be adding it to my collection of DVDs when it comes out.
Okay there weren't any sex scenes or huge explosions, but still, it was a great flick. Trust me on this and go see it.
Disclaimer: The Tuesday Tidbits are a semi-factual account of the news. Quote them at your own risk.
posted by Frustrated Writer | 7:13 PM
1 Comments:
Sounds like it was a cute movie. I've heard good things about Cars.
As an American, I have to say I don't really care about the World Cup. But as a blog reader who has met a few Europeans through this medium, it was nice to see the excitement. And I never had to watch a moment of the games.
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