Twisted Christmas Carols

Today's submission for not often sung Christmas carols is from the Bob River's collection of twisted tunes... a couple of my favorities that are never heard on the radio...

Walking Around in Women's Underwear
by Bob Rivers

"Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn't ask, for her permission
I'm wearing her clothes, her silk panty hose.
Walking around in women's underwear.
In the store, there's a teddy.
With little straps, like spagetti.
It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night.
Walking around in womens underwear
In the office there's a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say "Are you ready?"
I'll say, "Woah man!
Lets wait untill the wife is out of town."
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress, like Madonna.
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade.
Walking around in women's underwear.
Lacey things, missing.
Didn't ask, permission.
Wearing her clothes, silk panty hose.
Walking around in women's underwear.
Walking around in women's underwear.
Walking around in women's underwear......"

The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen
by Bob Rivers

The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside,
I took two steps and realized I've been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied,
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.

The restroom door said gentleman it must have been a gag,
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of mase and smacked me with her bag,
I could tell, this wouldn't be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.

The restroom door said gentleman and I'd would like to find,
The crummy little CREEP who had the nerve to switch the signs.
'Cause I got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind,
Now I can't, sit with comfort and joy.
Boy oh boy.
Now I'll never sit with comfort and joy.