Oh great, a contest I'll definitely lose

My organization is responsible for the 4th of July activities this year. That's right, if you want something fun to do on Independence Day in this town you will need to come to Nelson Park where we will be offering free games, contests, fun activities and much more for kids and their families. Events such as pitching washers, punt/pass/kick competitions, three legged races, water balloon toss contest, whiffle ball chipping, frisbee golf, frog hopping, basketball toss competition, watermelon eating contest, and a cool run (a chance for kids to get wet) will be available, free of charge, with prizes given out to winners.

I'm excited about all of it but have to admit I'm nervous too... it needs to be a success so we can build on it for next year. Hours have been and are being spent in hunting down sponsors, working through the red tape of municipal, county, and state governments just to get permission to have a professional fireworks team ignite the show for the big event. Volunteers are a concern too as I need bunches of them on a holiday no less. Guess who has a bit of stress in his life?

There is one contest that will be fun and won't take any effort on my part and that is the Mr. Sexy Legs contest. A picture of me, a picture of my legs, a five gallon jug, and a table where I will be placed next to five other candidates is all that is required. Votes are counted by the amount of money dropped into the jug. At the end of the day, the person with the most money is crowned Mr. Sexy Legs.

Egad.

I have the most un-sexy legs in this town. I can only hope for the sympathy vote or perhaps the humiliation vote. Oh the horror, the horror... So here are 10 quick reasons I shouldn't be in this contest;

1. My legs haven't seen sunshine in a decade.
2. Funny looking knees
3. My legs have been used at the hardware store for folks to find just the right "bright white" color of paint to paint the walls of their rooms with.
4. My legs have been used to fish for crappie at night. They are attracted to bright white objects...
5. My legs have enough scars on them to make a road map for Texas.
6. My legs were once mistaken for a lunar eclipse.
7. My legs are so white I don't have to use reflective gadgets when I walk at night.
8. Moths keep bumping into my legs at night...
9. On years that Rudolph is sick, Santa uses my legs to guide his sleigh
10. When I visit my son in Wisconsin, they won't let me walk around in shorts at night as their brightness blocks out the Northern Lights.

Yup, this is one contest I am going to totally bomb in. Sigh. Egad.