A Short Writing Excercise
Every now and again I just need to write a short story. This is one of those times...
Standing nude in front of the City Garden Club, I realized I had probably made a poor decision. Not that standing in front of the shocked ladies was all that poor of a decision, but the fact I let my buddy Jake talk me into drinking beers with a bump so early on a Saturday morning.
Oh it started innocently enough, Jake arriving at my door with a case under one arm and a fifth in his free hand. "The big game is about to start!" and with that we ordered pizza, iced down the beer, and found two shot glasses. Dressed in our team's colors, we shouted at the players, cussed the refs, and were having a great time when the teams disappeared from the screen and a balding middle aged man appeared on the screen and in his most polished voice said,
"Welcome to the 30th Annual Flower Show of the City Garden Club. We hope you will enjoy the next two hours of seeing some of the finest specimens of perennials and annuals grown here in the City. Now let's go to our host, Ms. Maggie Merlpearl, President of this year's City Garden Club."
Well Jake swore, threw a beer can at the screen and begin to describe some pretty disgusting things he would like to do to all the dear ladies of the City Garden Club and was about to throw the empty bottle at the screen when I tackled him.
"No you don't. I just got that HD screen and you ain't gonna ruint it with a bottle." Jake let the bottle slide from his hand and mumbled that we couldn't allow a sawed off, fat, balding guy and a bunch of old women take away the biggest game of the year. He thought we should go down and protest and as soon as he could find his keys that was exactly what we were gonna do.
"Jake, we can't be driving right now because we aren't fit to drive. Let's write a letter or something, maybe make a phone call." Jake swore again and grabbed the phone and called his wife, Emma. He hollered at her to come and get us and she hollered back she was in the middle of some Lifetime movie about some abused woman with cancer who finally got pregnant and was about to give birth to Siamese twins. I think the audible click on the other end meant Emma wasn't going to come after us. I called a cab.
We fell into that cab, told the driver where we needed to go. I think I caught a little nap because the next thing I knew I felt someone dragging me out of the backseat. Trying to get my wits about me, I felt myself being pushed towards the door of the regal building that housed the City Garden Club.
"Wait Jake, we don't even know what we are gonna say."
"We ain't saying nothing, we're gonna moon the camera, the ladies of the club and then we are gonna sing the fight song."
"I don't know Jake, sounds risky to me. Besides, I'm not sure I know all the words to the fight song...." About that time he pushed me inside the door, through the foyer, and down a side hall where we could see through the opened dual doors. Jake loosened his belt, unzipped his pants and asked me if I was ready. I followed suit and again complained that I thought I this was a bad idea.
Off we went, stumbling towards the cameras. Jake let go of me, screamed our favorite school cheer, dropped his drawers in front of the camera, pulled up his britches and was gone. Me, I didn't fair nearly as well. Nope. I was already stumbling when Jake let me go, my tee shirt caught on a boom and ripped right off of me which made me fall backwards. I had to let go of my pants to break my fall and somehow my pants just stayed behind and I kept going forward.
When I stood up, I realized I was buck naked. Some of the ladies screamed, one giggled, and before I could move a rent a cop had me down on the floor and was handcuffing my hands behind my back. I looked up to see the Simmons sisters, two old spinsters who ran the City Garden Club, giving me the once over.
"My Emily, I believe we should teach this young man a lesson and shove a prize winning rose up his butt."
"Oh Gladys, it is such a cute butt. Let's don't ruin it with a rose, maybe we should could use an Azeala." I think it was about that time I begged the officer to get me out of there before those two buzzards ruined me for life.
Yessir, a poor decision brings consequences. I don't even know who won the game.
Standing nude in front of the City Garden Club, I realized I had probably made a poor decision. Not that standing in front of the shocked ladies was all that poor of a decision, but the fact I let my buddy Jake talk me into drinking beers with a bump so early on a Saturday morning.
Oh it started innocently enough, Jake arriving at my door with a case under one arm and a fifth in his free hand. "The big game is about to start!" and with that we ordered pizza, iced down the beer, and found two shot glasses. Dressed in our team's colors, we shouted at the players, cussed the refs, and were having a great time when the teams disappeared from the screen and a balding middle aged man appeared on the screen and in his most polished voice said,
"Welcome to the 30th Annual Flower Show of the City Garden Club. We hope you will enjoy the next two hours of seeing some of the finest specimens of perennials and annuals grown here in the City. Now let's go to our host, Ms. Maggie Merlpearl, President of this year's City Garden Club."
Well Jake swore, threw a beer can at the screen and begin to describe some pretty disgusting things he would like to do to all the dear ladies of the City Garden Club and was about to throw the empty bottle at the screen when I tackled him.
"No you don't. I just got that HD screen and you ain't gonna ruint it with a bottle." Jake let the bottle slide from his hand and mumbled that we couldn't allow a sawed off, fat, balding guy and a bunch of old women take away the biggest game of the year. He thought we should go down and protest and as soon as he could find his keys that was exactly what we were gonna do.
"Jake, we can't be driving right now because we aren't fit to drive. Let's write a letter or something, maybe make a phone call." Jake swore again and grabbed the phone and called his wife, Emma. He hollered at her to come and get us and she hollered back she was in the middle of some Lifetime movie about some abused woman with cancer who finally got pregnant and was about to give birth to Siamese twins. I think the audible click on the other end meant Emma wasn't going to come after us. I called a cab.
We fell into that cab, told the driver where we needed to go. I think I caught a little nap because the next thing I knew I felt someone dragging me out of the backseat. Trying to get my wits about me, I felt myself being pushed towards the door of the regal building that housed the City Garden Club.
"Wait Jake, we don't even know what we are gonna say."
"We ain't saying nothing, we're gonna moon the camera, the ladies of the club and then we are gonna sing the fight song."
"I don't know Jake, sounds risky to me. Besides, I'm not sure I know all the words to the fight song...." About that time he pushed me inside the door, through the foyer, and down a side hall where we could see through the opened dual doors. Jake loosened his belt, unzipped his pants and asked me if I was ready. I followed suit and again complained that I thought I this was a bad idea.
Off we went, stumbling towards the cameras. Jake let go of me, screamed our favorite school cheer, dropped his drawers in front of the camera, pulled up his britches and was gone. Me, I didn't fair nearly as well. Nope. I was already stumbling when Jake let me go, my tee shirt caught on a boom and ripped right off of me which made me fall backwards. I had to let go of my pants to break my fall and somehow my pants just stayed behind and I kept going forward.
When I stood up, I realized I was buck naked. Some of the ladies screamed, one giggled, and before I could move a rent a cop had me down on the floor and was handcuffing my hands behind my back. I looked up to see the Simmons sisters, two old spinsters who ran the City Garden Club, giving me the once over.
"My Emily, I believe we should teach this young man a lesson and shove a prize winning rose up his butt."
"Oh Gladys, it is such a cute butt. Let's don't ruin it with a rose, maybe we should could use an Azeala." I think it was about that time I begged the officer to get me out of there before those two buzzards ruined me for life.
Yessir, a poor decision brings consequences. I don't even know who won the game.
Labels: Writing for fun
posted by Frustrated Writer | 11:22 PM
3 Comments:
And then wal ah was banged up wit mah chamberpot, and wrapped thet nice warm orange outfit about me, I started inta read those thirteen books. An thats how when Brendy came t git me, she KNEW ah'd been drinkin.
tsk, tsk! ;o)
ha ha! I love it when you get in yer story-writin moods!
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