Thursday Thirteen 12/14/06

Thirteen Things You Shouldn't Say to Kids When You Are Playing Santa...

1. I saw the naughty list kid and this year I will be taking toys back from you...
2. Nope, there aren't any elves at the North Pole any more. I replaced them with Malaysian sweat shop laborers.
3. Wow, you're lucky Santa doesn't care if you're ugly or not.
4. Yeah so I told Ms. Claus, "Hey, I can't be taking viagra the day before I have to go down all those chimneys!"
5. An Xbox 360? Yeah you and a million other kids want one. Tell your parents to try Ebay.
6. Hey kid, this year skip the cookies and milk. Leave a shot of bourbon and beef jerky, okay?
7. Sorry kid, we are out of Bratz dolls. I do have a rather nice collection of blow up dolls...
8. Man, that Rudolph is such a ho...
9. Wanna pull Santa's finger?
10. Sheesh, I think Santa needs to bring someone here a bar of soap for Christmas.
11. You saw me over at the mall? Really? I wasn't at the mall, I was right here. Go tell that fake s.o.b. to stop impersonating me, okay?
12. Yeah, I was kissing your mommy under the mistletoe last night and let me tell you kid, it wasn't all that great.
13. You don't have a chimney? Whew, that's another house I can mark off the list.