Some more Raymondisms

I used an expression from my friend Raymond in my previous post and it just spurred all sorts of memories of some of his great expressions. I thought I would post some of them just for prosperiety sake.

• Oooooooo this is so good it'll make you want to slap your momma. (Generally this was said after he had just had tasted something most excellent. As a cook, I always thought it was the best of compliments.)
• Sometimes a man just needs a good beatin' to set him straight. I think the Lord understands that... Give me just ten minutes with him and I will guarantee that he will have as thorough of a beating he can get and he will see the world differently when his eyes finally open. (I should mention that Raymond used to make a living from local bar owners who paid him to go start a fight in a competitors bar... to say he had seen the rougher side of life would be an understatement.)
• Man, you cook good enough to work for the governor. (This was not a compliment as he was referring to cooks in the prison system, a system he spent eight years in for armed robbery.)
• Man, your guitar playing is bringing tears to my eyes. (Another slam as Raymond was an exceptional musician and if you were bringing tears to his eyes, your playing was pretty horrible.)
• You know, my old lady and I get along because we are so agreeable. We agree that we can't stand each other. (His marriage did end up in a divorce and that is when he left town. I guess he lost the right to live here in the divorce decree.)
• You know the best two things in life are fishing and sex. You have to work hard at getting them to take the bait and even then you are at the mercy of luck and the weather. From the looks of thing it is going to be a bad day for both. (This statement was usually followed by an hour of funny ancedotes about his relationships so I never got around to asking how the weather affected women. I'm thinking I probably don't want to know.)
• Are you having a good day Doc? Wife treating you right? You weren't fighting or anything this morning were you? No offense, but I need you to be in a good mood and concentrating on your work...(He said this line right before he went into surgery. I still think it is probably one of the most excellent questions a person could ask a surgeon on the day of surgery.)

Welp, I haven't seen Raymond in years. I miss our conversations and I miss how he could make me laugh so hard. I hope wherever he is that he is in a "Slap me silly and call me Shorty" state of mind.