Tuesday Tidbits 9/12/06
Dedicated to distorting the facts in a fun way...
International News
Syrian Terrorists Try to Attack U.S. Embassy... in Syria!
Three assailants and a member of Syria's anti-terror squad were killed Tuesday in a shootout during the bid to storm the embassy, which came just a day after the fifth anniversary of the September 11 attacks on the United States in 2001.
"The terrorist attack failed. It did not achieve the objectives of the mission as these boneheads couldn't throw a grenade out of a paper sack," Interior Minister General Bassam Abdel Majid during a visit to the scene of the attack, the state news agency SANA reported. "We are feeling the pressure of having to use inferior suicide bombers as our current supply has dwindled dramatically which produces such shoddy work as this. Really, trying to toss grenades out of the car hoping to hit an embassy when your windows are rolled up? Forgetting to ignite the van full of explosives when you are running away from the scene? Rookies. Amateurs. Not that we are hoping for them to succeed, afterall we shot them all down. Right?"
All embassy officials and family are safe.
In a totally unrelated story (I'm sure), Syrian officials are requiring all potential suicide bombers to attend a mandatory grenade tossing, window rolling down, and explosive igniting inservice.
National News
Detroit School Teachers Continue Strike
Thousands of Detroit school teachers continue to walk the picket lines in spite of a Circuit Judge's order to return to work. Signs along the picket proclaim the teacher's position on their current contract with slogans of "We Work Gooder Than You Pay", "Hell No, We Won't Return", "Teachers Need Loving To", and "George Washington Freed the Slaves! Whom is Going to Free Us?"
State law allows the courts to assess fines and other penalties for employees who ignore back-to-work orders. Judge Susan Borman will be considering such action today as she enters into meeting with the District Attourney's office to discuss enforcement of the court order. "I'm seriously considering sending them all to detention and have the kids monitor them," the judge stated to a crowd of angry parents.
"We needs these teachers back in the school and our kids off the street. Heaven knows we tired of having to mess wit 'em at home," a distressed mother of three told reporters. "It time to get back to educating these kids and get those teachers off the street. I've done missed my stories for two weeks now and I don't like it when I miss my stories."
Both parties are expected to meet back at the bargaining table later today. We can only hope...
State News
State Fairs Opening Across the State
September in Texas means one thing, State Fairs are coming to town! As cities across the state watch midways rise up out of the dirt at their local fairgrounds, citizens start drooling in anticipation of spending huge amounts of cash for grease saturated foods, cheap prizes won at rigged games, and exhorbant admissions into spinning traps of death affectionately called "rides." Area ranchers and farmers bring in samples of their livestock and crops to compete against each other, all hoping to win the Best in Show ribbon that they can proudly display in their living room next to the picture of ol' Bessy who won Best Milk Cow back in 1958.
This year the competitions will be even tougher as fair promoters will be giving gas coupons out instead of cash prizes. Local promoter Candy Wymen was quick to note a 45% increase in the entries. "I'm not saying all the entries are of the same quality of years past but there are definitely more of them. I had a gentleman trying to show a clump of Johnson Grass in the Hay Competition and technically, since it is a grass that can be mowed and packed into a hay bale, we have to let him show it. I guess the part that ticks me off is the obviously sliced up candy bars that are showing up in the candy competition. Folks will do anything to get a shot at getting gas."
This editor kindly reminds his readers if gas is all you are interested in getting, you might try the Aggies Bowl of Bean special in the food court and polish it off with a twice fried corndog for good measure.
Editorial
Is There a Need for a 9-11 Memorial?
When it comes to constructing a memorial for the 2,700+ people who died at the hands of terrorists on 9-11 I have to wonder if the best memorial we could offer wouldn't be leaving the huge hole found at ground zero. Would anything bring these people back to mind than to look down into the hole where tall proud buildings once stood? I am not against a statue or even a granite monument being constructed on site, but I do question raising money for a museum or elaborate structure when the best response to the terrorists would be to build a usable building where commerce could once again thrive on a site once considered useless.
I look at the memorials placed at the Federal Building in Oklahoma City and find a tasteful, but yet emotional, monument reminding everyone of those who died at the hands of a whacko. However, the biggest comment on a bad situation is looking above the memorial to see the building he tried to take out still standing and in use despite the his attempt to level it.
I say we build on top of Ground Zero. Let us put that property back to use and somewhere on the grounds build a garden, or a monument, where visitors can still remember the tragedy of 9-11 but still take pride in the fact two planes toppling buildings couldn't take the resolve out of the American Dream of succeeding in a land of freedom.
Movie Review
I watched football this weekend instead of going to the movies but looking at the list of movies that are currently available, I do see some that I would like to see. Here are some I hope to see in the near future:
The Wicker Man
Invincible
Little Miss Sunshine
Crank
If you have seen any of these and want to comment on how good/bad they are to save me the bucks, I would appreciate it.
As always folks, Tuesday Tidbits is just a tad enhanced with bogus material... so quote with caution.
International News
Syrian Terrorists Try to Attack U.S. Embassy... in Syria!
Three assailants and a member of Syria's anti-terror squad were killed Tuesday in a shootout during the bid to storm the embassy, which came just a day after the fifth anniversary of the September 11 attacks on the United States in 2001.
"The terrorist attack failed. It did not achieve the objectives of the mission as these boneheads couldn't throw a grenade out of a paper sack," Interior Minister General Bassam Abdel Majid during a visit to the scene of the attack, the state news agency SANA reported. "We are feeling the pressure of having to use inferior suicide bombers as our current supply has dwindled dramatically which produces such shoddy work as this. Really, trying to toss grenades out of the car hoping to hit an embassy when your windows are rolled up? Forgetting to ignite the van full of explosives when you are running away from the scene? Rookies. Amateurs. Not that we are hoping for them to succeed, afterall we shot them all down. Right?"
All embassy officials and family are safe.
In a totally unrelated story (I'm sure), Syrian officials are requiring all potential suicide bombers to attend a mandatory grenade tossing, window rolling down, and explosive igniting inservice.
National News
Detroit School Teachers Continue Strike
Thousands of Detroit school teachers continue to walk the picket lines in spite of a Circuit Judge's order to return to work. Signs along the picket proclaim the teacher's position on their current contract with slogans of "We Work Gooder Than You Pay", "Hell No, We Won't Return", "Teachers Need Loving To", and "George Washington Freed the Slaves! Whom is Going to Free Us?"
State law allows the courts to assess fines and other penalties for employees who ignore back-to-work orders. Judge Susan Borman will be considering such action today as she enters into meeting with the District Attourney's office to discuss enforcement of the court order. "I'm seriously considering sending them all to detention and have the kids monitor them," the judge stated to a crowd of angry parents.
"We needs these teachers back in the school and our kids off the street. Heaven knows we tired of having to mess wit 'em at home," a distressed mother of three told reporters. "It time to get back to educating these kids and get those teachers off the street. I've done missed my stories for two weeks now and I don't like it when I miss my stories."
Both parties are expected to meet back at the bargaining table later today. We can only hope...
State News
State Fairs Opening Across the State
September in Texas means one thing, State Fairs are coming to town! As cities across the state watch midways rise up out of the dirt at their local fairgrounds, citizens start drooling in anticipation of spending huge amounts of cash for grease saturated foods, cheap prizes won at rigged games, and exhorbant admissions into spinning traps of death affectionately called "rides." Area ranchers and farmers bring in samples of their livestock and crops to compete against each other, all hoping to win the Best in Show ribbon that they can proudly display in their living room next to the picture of ol' Bessy who won Best Milk Cow back in 1958.
This year the competitions will be even tougher as fair promoters will be giving gas coupons out instead of cash prizes. Local promoter Candy Wymen was quick to note a 45% increase in the entries. "I'm not saying all the entries are of the same quality of years past but there are definitely more of them. I had a gentleman trying to show a clump of Johnson Grass in the Hay Competition and technically, since it is a grass that can be mowed and packed into a hay bale, we have to let him show it. I guess the part that ticks me off is the obviously sliced up candy bars that are showing up in the candy competition. Folks will do anything to get a shot at getting gas."
This editor kindly reminds his readers if gas is all you are interested in getting, you might try the Aggies Bowl of Bean special in the food court and polish it off with a twice fried corndog for good measure.
Editorial
Is There a Need for a 9-11 Memorial?
When it comes to constructing a memorial for the 2,700+ people who died at the hands of terrorists on 9-11 I have to wonder if the best memorial we could offer wouldn't be leaving the huge hole found at ground zero. Would anything bring these people back to mind than to look down into the hole where tall proud buildings once stood? I am not against a statue or even a granite monument being constructed on site, but I do question raising money for a museum or elaborate structure when the best response to the terrorists would be to build a usable building where commerce could once again thrive on a site once considered useless.
I look at the memorials placed at the Federal Building in Oklahoma City and find a tasteful, but yet emotional, monument reminding everyone of those who died at the hands of a whacko. However, the biggest comment on a bad situation is looking above the memorial to see the building he tried to take out still standing and in use despite the his attempt to level it.
I say we build on top of Ground Zero. Let us put that property back to use and somewhere on the grounds build a garden, or a monument, where visitors can still remember the tragedy of 9-11 but still take pride in the fact two planes toppling buildings couldn't take the resolve out of the American Dream of succeeding in a land of freedom.
Movie Review
I watched football this weekend instead of going to the movies but looking at the list of movies that are currently available, I do see some that I would like to see. Here are some I hope to see in the near future:
The Wicker Man
Invincible
Little Miss Sunshine
Crank
If you have seen any of these and want to comment on how good/bad they are to save me the bucks, I would appreciate it.
As always folks, Tuesday Tidbits is just a tad enhanced with bogus material... so quote with caution.
posted by Frustrated Writer | 6:03 AM
5 Comments:
Ah, the Fair--Im definitely looking forward to returning to my Texas roots, eating fried Twinkies, and avoiding spinning traps of death with excuses like "my stomach hurts from the Twinkie" or "my doctor told me no traps of death for at least six weeks".
Good stuff!
I love your Tuesday Tidbits :)
And agree completely with your editorial. Way too much money has been spent on erecting a giant memorial when 1) that money could go to the families and 2) there could be something productive there again.
You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but why are you piddling around
with a hardly read blog when you should be head writer on Saturday Night Live or
some similar Network show?
Ha! You are too kind but thanks for the sentiment.
I saw Krank! Loved it Loved it Loved it!
Of Course, I love jock itch and sitting on hot peppers.
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