Tuesday Tidbits (abbreviated) 8/29/06

I'm off to Houston for a conference so the Tuesday Tidbits will be in abbreviated form today. Maybe if I have a chance tonight at the hotel I will do a regular length one.

International News

Israel and the Middle East Nations Still Hate Each Others Guts!

Reports from Tel Aviv today showed that most Israelis and most Palestinians harbor hate for their neighbor. When asked if they would still fight when the peace process had been worked out, the most common answer was the sound of a slide being pulled back and a round being chambered. We took that to mean "yes."

National News

Florida to get Hurricane Action

As Ernesto bears down on Florida, many Floridians are wondering what President Bush is going to do about it. "We hung our chads out for this man, the least he can do is stop sending hurricanes our way."

State News

Texans Officially Declare TO a Bust

Dallas Cowboy fans everywhere are wondering how long it is going to take to nix the TO era. "Why that guy won't practice, he won't play, he won't do nothing but gripe. I say we run that man out of town," Coach Bill Parcells was overheard muttering. As for the staff of the Tidbits, we are still holding out for game 6 when we are pretty sure Drew Bledsoe will nail TO in the head with a pass causing all that hot air to escape and dwindling the receiver down to a 35 pound of mush.

Editorial

Sin Taxes to Increase

Well at least it is the first time politicians tax themselves...

Movie Review

I haven't watched any new movies for awhile so no review. There are a few I want to see but just haven't made it out to the theatre yet. Maybe by next week.

Yup, it was short and to the point. I'm off to finish packing and to head to Houston. I'll end with an inspirational quote...

"Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman... especially if there is a diamond involved and he is honest about the cost of it."

Emmys

Okay, I didn't watch the Emmys but that is why you have Yahoo, right? You click on the results and see who won, read the quotes, find out reactions, and you can do it all in a matter of ten minutes. I don't watch a lot of prime time TV, preferring the sports and history genres, but there are a few shows I do like such as Scrubs and my favorite, The Office. Hey, The Office won for best comedy series and I am thinking, "yeah, they finally got it right!" I understand this time they actually made the decision makers sit in a room and watch the shows that were up for an Emmy. Imagine that, having to actually see a show before voting. Sort of a novel idea, if you ask me.


I'm guessing I shouldn't be holding my breath for shows such as Future Weapons, Air Superiority, or Sports Center to ever win an Emmy (I think the fact they are all on cable has a lot to do with it...ha!). Hmm, oh well, in the long run it doesn't matter.

A Quenching Celebration

Finally the rain comes and soaks our brown earth, bringing a respite from the heat, the cooling winds of ozone enriched air to invigorate and wake a sleepy city from it's heat induced stupor.

People are almost giddy at the grocery store, baggers carrying on cheerful conversation where once pitiful mutterings had held court. The young girl who is carrying out my groceries is chattering away about how funny it is that so many people come to shop when it is raining. She wonders out loud if it isn't because they couldn't be working outside and come to the store out of boredom.

"I think it is because they have no other place to celebrate, no dancing ground on which to let their euphoria be expressed so they come here to chat, to laugh, to feed off the giddiness of others. It is a communal expression of joy." The young girl hands me my groceries and smiles her perky smile while shrugging to her, "Yeah, that too." So much for philosophical ponderings during a rain storm.

As I open my car door I hear the singing of college students who are sitting underneath a covered outdoor patio; a young man plays a sloppy guitar while giggling female comrades sing along with a tune that is almost recognizable. I watch as one of the girls sticks her head out into the rain, laughing and shrieking at the cold drops that are soaking her head. With a whip of her head she showers her friends who protest under giggles and guffaws and then join her in the ritual of relishing refreshing rain.

Maybe it is boredom that brings the people out... but I still think it is a communal celebration of regeneration, as I pause to look up at falling raindrops, joyfully soaking them into my skin and my psyche.

The reason I walk around in graveyards

You gotta watch those angles, folks, they will get you every time.

New London Pics

I took a road trip this summer to work on Slvr's car and to drop by New London to investigate the nation's worst school disaster. What a neat place to visit. I have posted some pics of the graves and the monument for the 303 people who died in the natural gas explosion, ignited from the basement of the newly erected school. Oh, there is a pic of my companion for the day, a nice dog who seemed content to wander around the cemetery and observe the graves with me. Enjoy.

A few random pics from Arizona

Now that I finally have blogger allowing me to load pictures, I thought I would post a few...

The pictures are of my family's time in Greer, Arizona this summer to celebrate my parental units 50th anniversary. The middle pic is mom and dad with their surviving sons, the bottom pic is of a stream we were fishing and catching nice trout out of, and the top pic is of marker we put on my great, great aunt Clara Coleman's grave who was murdered by her Arizona/New Mexico husband (cattle theif, horse theif, and murderer) Henry Coleman, a.k.a. Henry Hudspeth. He came from a prominent Texas family (there is a county named after them) and his brother was a big man around Austin as far as state politics go. He murdered Clara for her ranch and was gunned down later when he returned to gather his "other wife" and baby. He was known to be fast with a gun and the posse wasn't going to let him have a chance to prove it. He is also buried in an unmarked grave without any references remaining to where that grave might be. Clara's grave was easy to find as the Catholic church kept records and buried folks chronologically so you just had to find the tombstones with dates on either side of her death. Pictures were also used to line up the approximate position so it was easy to determine location.

Enough of the history lesson...

Friday fritterings...

If Karr is so sure he is guilty then why does his ex-wife, brother, father, and everyone who seemed to be close to him during that time emphatically deny any possibility of his participation?

I have theories...

1. Karr is obsessed with the killing and has transferred himself into the role of the murderer (but there is the problem of his knowing certain details that no one has been privy to...)

2. His ex-wife doesn't want him to have his 15 minutes of fame (granted, a perverse and disturbed 15 minutes, but 15 minutes nonetheless)

3. He still owes his brother $100 and the brother knows he will never collect it if Karr is in jail or executed.

4. His father has been enjoys being away from the nursing home and knows if he continues to hang with the brother and his diatribes, he gets to stay out even more.

5. It is a vast government conspiracy to take the minds of the American people off the Middle East.

6. Jesse Jackson is hoping to be asked to step in as a peacekeeper to negotiate a settlement between Karr, his attourneys, and the media.

7. It is a marketing ploy by the Colorado Tourism Board to get more people to come to Colorado during the down time between summer vacations and skiing.

8. Karr has heard all the really hot women write letters to prisoners and the really solid relationships are from long time prison writing pen pals.

9. Karr wants to be on the cover of all the major magazines.

10. Or it could be Karr is guilty. He certainly has the history and profile for it but I am not a law enforcement professional so my opinion really doesn't matter. Either way, I believe they have gotten a predator off the street regardless of his role in the death of the girl. Sometimes we should count our blessings for the obvious.

Picture test

Another Thursday Thirteen

Okay, I'm a little stressed and since writing is my stress reliever, I am posting another Thursday Thirteen because the thought of #4 in my previous Thursday Thirteen has spurred me into a silly mood.

Thirteen Things to Say If You Have a Coffin in the Guest Room

1. "Hey, you may need to take the Febreeze in there with you as we haven't quite got the smell of Uncle Joe out of the fabric."
2. "What hammer and nails? Oh, those hammer and nails. Uh, I forgot to put them in the tool shed? Really, I wouldn't dream of nailing you inside the coffin...really."
3. "You know I hope when my history is written folks will appreciate that I buried all of my victims in a nice coffin and that I wasn't your run of the mill let's barely cover them up in a shallow grave serial killer."
4. "Hope you don't mind sleeping on top of the coffin. I haven't had a chance to empty it yet."
5. "Yeah that's my coffin alright. Have to have something to keep the sunlight off of me because sunlight really sucks."
6. "I got a really good deal on this coffin. It was used just once and even then it was owned by a little old lady who was buried in it only on Sundays."
7. "Yup, I am going to pimp this baby out. Thinking about chopping the top down, putting a stereo system in it so I can listen to Grateful Dead tunes for eternity."
8. "Don't let the coffin freak you out, it is just a conversation piece... and I wouldn't worry about the butcher knife next to the shower either..."
9. "Well a linen closet was going to cost me $2500 and they had these babies down at the coffin factory for $1,250 so I thought, 'Yeah, this would make a fine linen cabinet.' Cool huh?"
10. "Well the will said I got nothing from the ol' man and I thought to myself, 'Hey, I'm not leaving this cemetery without something so I took the old man's casket. Ready for supper?"
11. "I doing some research on sensory deprevation. I have a nice little sensory deprevation chamber dug in the backyard and thought you might to help me out on the research..."
12. "Well she said she wanted a fine piece of furniture to put in the bedroom to give the room a certain ambiance that would set it off from the rest of the house and I thought, 'Yuppers, this definitely makes a statement.' Haven't seen hide nor hair of her since. Hmm..."
13. "So, how do you feel about necrophylia?"

Oh, I feel disclaimer time coming on...

NO, I am not into necrophylia... and no, I do not have a coffin in my guest room, and NO, I am not a deranged serial killer... But YES, I wouldn't mind having a coffin so I could test drive it before the big trip...

Thursday Thirteen 8/24/06

Thirteen Goals I Probably Won't Acheive in Life...

1. Having a dream date with Jamie Lee Curtis
2. Discussing poor plot lines with Samon Rushdie
3. Singing on stage with the Eagles during their Hell Freezes Over Tour #3
4. Having a coffin in the guest bedroom so I can tell guests "Go on in and make yourself comfortable. Feel free to pull the lid down if you need a little privacy" just so I can watch their facial expressions. (okay, this really isn't a goal of mine, just wanted to make sure you were paying attention)
5. Being a well known published author. Doesn't mean I won't keep trying...
6. Getting a doctorate in History. Now that I think about it... a Masters in History probably isn't happening either since my BA wasn't in history.
7. My life long ambition of teaching a high school history class. I have always wanted to give the kids a teacher who actually loves history and is not there because he/she has to do something else besides coaching.
8. Run naked through Central Park. (yeah, another test to see if you are reading closely)
9. Go Cape Buffalo hunting. The older I get the less interested I am in hunting exotic animals and find I enjoy watching them more. White tails and muleys are still fair game though...
10. Go on a dream date with Jamie Lee Curtis (oh, did I already mention this one... hmm, uh...rats.) Make that "star in a major motion picture with Jamie Lee Curtis."
11. Write the definitive southern humor novel. I want to be the Harper Lee of southern small town humor.
12. Sit and chat with a U.S. President about foreign policy, urban poverty, and why the University of Texas football team should be the National Football Team for the U.S.
13. Own every type of magnum revolver made. This won't happen because they bring out a new caliber every month and who can afford to keep up? Besides, I think I will be happy with getting the last of the standards (a .41 magnum) and calling it good.

Helping Discom Out

Discom has asked all of her blogging buddies to do something for Kyle as today is his birthday. Not knowing exactly what it is she wants us to do, I offer up this little ditty in Kyle's honor.

They say you were born
On this date long ago
On a joyful summer morn
'Midst your momma's moans and "ooohhhhsss"

I 'spect you've done some livin'
Maybe even sowed some oats
But know you're prone to givin'
Kindness to ornery old goats.

So on this most auspicious day
When there is bound to be some cake
I hope you have your way
With whatever wish you make.

Cause I never seem to gather
Booty from extinquished flame
So I think I would much rather
Avoid the birthday game.

Hope your birthday is a good 'un!

Happy birthday Kyle.

Discom... hope this is what you wanted.

Going Postal

Standing in line to mail a package to Slvr, I was happy to be entertained by a young girl of about seven, who had so much energy she couldn't stand still. Her mother allowed her some space for movement but was being considerate to other patrons by making sure the little girl didn't make a nuisance of herself.

The child practiced cheerleading routines, dance moves, and even engaged in a lively conversation with herself about what she could do with all those boxes attached to the wall. When she wandered too far away a quick snap of mom's fingers and a silent hiss would bring her back with an explanation of why she had needed to move so far away. I couldn't see mom's face but you could hear the irritation in her voice of having to constantly call the child back.

Songs followed with her swinging on the rail, then a quick swirl, a short dance, finishing with a flourish of arms stretched at an angle, back arched, and a bright smile perfectly centered to let the audience know she was a "super stah." I thoroughly enjoyed the show and was disappointed to see a sudden wilting of the little girl as she shuffled quickly towards her mother's skirt. Looking behind me I caught the scowl of an elderly woman that would make Santa curl up in a fetal position and whimper. Her disapproval of young children having fun while being forced to stand 20 minutes in line at a post office was evident and I had to wonder who had made a mess in her Post Toasties that morning.

Enter the paradox. Do you speak to the old bat and tell her "she is only a child and is doing no harm" or do you speak to the child and reassure her that old bats with disapproving scowls can't harm her with such poisoned looks? Not knowing which way to go I smiled at the child and then gave the old bat what my son so lovingly calls my "serial killer" look. The old bat wilted back into the line, turning her attention to details she had obviously missed on the package in her hand. The young girl continued her performance of song and dance until her mother's time at the window was finished and they left.

I do admit I feel badly about my behavior. I should have applauded the little girl's performance...

Tuesday Tidbits 08/22/06

Yes! It is time for another addition of the Tuesday Tidbits where we live by the principle of providing positively useless information that might be partially accurate...

International News

Russians Fear Passenger Plane Might Have Crashed!

A Russian passenger jet with 170 people aboard disappeared from radar screens after sending a distress signal Tuesday and probably crashed, an emergency official said. The plane, on its way from the Black Sea resort of Anapa to St. Petersburg, disappeared from radar screens over Ukraine, Emergency Situations Ministry spokeswoman Yulia Stadnikova said.

"So it crashed?" was a question repeatedly asked by the few media members who were still sober enough to ask questions. Yulia Stadnikova would not be pinned down with a definitive answer and responded, "No, we think might have crashed as it has disappeared from the radar screen and has been missing now for several hours."

"How much fuel did the plane have?"

"Enough for a four hour flight."

"How long has the flight been missing?"

"No more than six hours. Hey, we don't know that this craft has crashed. Oh sure there have been some sighting of debris in the Ukraine, but you know those silly Russian pilots, always playing around with us. For all we know they are all sipping vodka and giggling at you for getting all upset about this tiny little blip disappearing off the radar screen."

"This seems more than just a tiny blip disappearing from the radar screen. Are you trying to cover up this story?" An obviously peturbed Stadnikova left the room in a huff shouting back at the reporters,

"Have I ever covered up anything from you? Who told you about the small meltdown at Chernobyl? A small incident that didn't amount to much but I, Stadnikova, told you about it. Oh go drink your vodka!"

Officials promise to report any findings as soon as they are found to be reportable.

National News

Karr Kept Comfy While Waiting for Colorado

The man suspected of killing JonBenet Ramsey is sitting in a secluded area of the Twin Towers facility in Los Angeles waiting for his first court appearance on US soil. His attourneys are quick to say the seclusion is for Karr's own safety as one of the other 3,500 inmates might want to hurt him. Karr doesn't seem to mind the seclusion saying he hopes to hear from some of his friends and maybe hang out with them until a decision has been made on whether or not he heads to Colorado for trial.

"I sure hope Michael is town. It would be cool to hang with him for a bit before they send me to court..."

"This man is not crazy," shouted Karr's attourney. "A little mixed up and possibly evil and vile, but he is definitely not crazy."

On another note, the increased sale of ropes in Colorado has many speculating how long the trial of Karr will last. "Well I hope they hold off on trying the man for at least another three weeks so we can end up on a positive note for this quarter," said hardware store owner Bernie Bauchman. "It sure would help us through the lean months leading up to Christmas."

State News

School van driver arrested with a van full of children!

A Harris County Sheriff’s deputy pulled over a 15-passenger van full of kids for an expired registration. Upon further inspection the deputy found the female driver, Kimberly Righteous, 28, was wanted on 11 outstanding warrants including a 1996 theft charge, so he took her into custody.

The van is believed to be connected to Rosa’s School, a primary education and after school program that and has been operating for years. The woman who called herself the school director was defensive about the hiring of an obvious felon to drive children to and from school.

"Do you know how hard it is to get good drivers these days? Ms. Righteous is an accomplished driver and had excellent references that touted her ability to flee from a curb, blend into traffic, and escape from pursuing vehicles. This kind of talent isn't available to you every day and besides, the kids love her and enjoy her stories. We are sure there is a mix up somewhere and Ms. Righteous will be back driving our vans in no time."

At press time Ms. Righteous was still in the Harris County Jail planning her getaway once bail had been posted.

Editorial

Life about to be back to normal

Texans are looking forward to the next few weeks with an anticipatory giddiness as they know life as they know it is about to return to normal. Yes, you've got it, Football season is about to start! Once again the week can be planned easily as you set your schedules to fit the football schedule of your local school team with Saturday and Sunday bringing you joy in the form of the NCAA and the NFL. Let me demonstrate how wonderful football season is to the person who lives by scheduling events.

• Tuesday afternoon - Games for Pop Warner teams are played at local parks
• Wednesday afternoon - inter city middle schools play games at school football fields.
• Thursday afternoon - Freshman and JV games are played at the high school stadium
• Friday night - Varsity football at the stadium, be sure to pack along a radio so you can listen to how the other teams are doing around the area.
• Saturday afternoon and night - Texas plays! Oh, I think there are other college teams playing too...
• Sunday and Monday - NFL baby, football games galore!

During the off times you have ESPN Classic to watch those great games of the past. You also have Sports Center to help keep the edge off.

Yuppers, life is almost back to normal...

Movie Review

Bruce's 16 Blocks Should've Ended 15 Blocks Earlier!

I watched 16 Blocks on DVD this past weekend and thinking it had all the elements of a great guy flick I found myself a bit disappointed in the storyline. Bruce Willis is a drunk, disgraced cop, who in a moment of conflict, finds a chance for redemption and a chance to go out with valor and honor. Hmm... somehow I think this storyline has been done like a million times with Bruce Willis being the lead actor.

Let's get original Hollywood! I give this film one half of a quill because there were some good shooting scenes and you should get credit for any exciting gun play in a flick. The rest of the film deserves to be seen from the bottom of an empty bourbon bottle.

Disclaimer; all facts and stories reported here are again questionable at best. Quote at your own risk.

Moving Past the Past

The past couple of years have been a bit tough but yesterday I had a chance to sit back and think on all that has occurred in my life and there are times I am amazed I made it through with my sanity. I credit friends and my kids for getting me through and while I was thinking about all they have done to contribute to my rising above the overwhelming floods of despair at times, I was reminded of an old Loggins and Messina song... Watching the River Run. Thought I would post the lyrics for all of us who have moved or are moving past the Past.

If you've been thinking you're all that you've got,
Then don't feel alone anymore.
When we're together, then you've got alot,
'Cause I am the river and you are the shore.
And it goes on and on, oh, watching the river run,
Further and further from things that we've done,
Leaving them one by one.
And we have just begun watching the river run.
Listening and learning and yearning.
Run, river, run.
Winding and swirling and dancing along,
We pass by the old willow tree
Where lovers caress as we sing of our song,
Twisting together when we greet the sea.
And it goes on and on, watching the river run,
Further and further from things that we've done,
Leaving them one by one.
And we have just begun watching the river run.
Listening and learning and yearning.
Run, river, run.
And it goes on and on, watching the river run,
Further and further from things that we've done,
Leaving them one by one.
And we have just begun watching the river run.
Listening and learning and yearning.
Run, river, run.

I apologize if I posted these on the old blog but even if I did, it has been awhile since you've had a chance to read them... enjoy.

Wedding wanderings

I watched the little ring bearer walk down the aisle with a determined look on his face. The pillow was tucked beneath his arm and his stride was purposeful, his gaze forward on his goal, and he was the perfect example of a person being oblivious to the world around him, including the insistant whispered pleas by his mom to turn the pillow upright.

The other ring bearer had it down right; pillow upright, carefully balanced on well spaced hands and a smile for all of the audience to enjoy and "ahhhh" about. His stride was of a proper length at a proper cadence, bringing him to stand by the groom at a proper time. His mother wasn't having to whisper pleas to him because he was pegging plaudits while presenting a personal peremptory passage on pristine propriety of podium protocol. Elegant in all matters of bearing rings, this boy was the elite, the paragon of proficiency.

The previously mentioned plebian paled in comparison to this champion of ring bearers, but there was something in his intent, perhaps his stride, that captured your attention, hog-tying it in record time demanding your notice of his place in this world. He defied convention and thrived on being his own "man" as he marched down the aisle, refusing to free the laced pillow from underneath his arm until he reached the waiting gaggle of groomsmen. After all, it was a sham, a carrier of faux precious rings made of plastic, sewn onto the pillow. If he was a true ring bearer, then perhaps he would've bowed to convention and embraced the graceful entrance of his counterpart.

I would like to think this young lad will make a great leader one day as he obviously doesn't mind cutting through the bull hockey and seeing the world for what it is; one symbolic ceremony after another with the raw blatant truth rarely being exposed. I tip my pillow towards the youngster. May he always be that determined, that confident, and that willing to stride forward in a world full of whispering critics, ignoring their pleas for compliance.

A Week of Leaving

It seems this last week has been one child leaving after another. Cryss and SIL have headed off to Buffalo, Slvr went back to Arkansas, and tomorrow Kara leaves for San Antonio. Toss in a son who is already way too far away and suddenly the emptiness of this town is strong. What should one do during such times as these?

I am open to suggestions. I know I will be playing more frisbee golf and walking more. Will miss them all terribly and in fact have already started feeling the lonliness. Keep telling myself they are off to great adventures, making their own way through this world. May they enjoy rich blessings as they continue to grow in their lives. I hope they all know how proud I am of each of them. Don't always understand what they do, but I think that feeling is mutual. I am convinced it is the part of the maturing process we as older adults and they as young adults must go through. Hopefully, when this ol' life is done we will have reached the end of it with a better understanding of each other with each of us respecting the other's place in this world.

Sigh.

A most Interesting Wedding

The couple were ex-employees of mine, having worked in the clubs for at least two years. The kids adored them, they adored the kids and it was obvious they adore each other. I have to admit I was pleased to receive an invitation to their wedding and sitting in a crowded auditorium with other club members and their church family, I was treated to quite a show. I've never been to such a wedding in my life and coming from a rather conservative religious background there were aspects of it that caught me off guard. For instance,

• The praise song during the unity candle ceremony where majority of the room was jumping up and down with hands raised in the air, swaying to the music.
• Bride and groom leaving to hip hop music, dancing down the aisle
• A cellist improv moment when the groomsmen entered (the cellist was excellent with sheet music and had a marvelous talent... during the improv moment...well, let's just say he kept losing track of which way he was heading...)
• Having the couple go through their marriage vows twice
• Christmas trees on the stage. Like six of seven of them.

The wedding was fun and I am happy for the couple. I didn't go to the reception as my grandmom called letting me know she was in town and wanted to know if I could drop by and see her and my recuperating aunt. I bet it was a hoot though.

Thursday Thirteen 8/17/06

Thirteen Authors I Wish I Could've Met/Meet

1. Mark Twain (I want him to consider giving Huck Finn an uzi...)
2. James Michener (I have a few extra Texas Tidbits to toss in Texas)
3. James Thurber (I love his drawings as much as his humor)
4. Lewis Grizzard (Two southern boys who love football, America, and love to make fun of society.... we could talk)
5. John Grisham (I have an idea or two about a book about lawyers)
6. Dean Koontz (I can think of a horror story about lawyers)
7. James Fennimore Cooper (Nstty Bumpo with an uzi would be interesting too)
8. Charles Dickens (I'm thinking Oliver meets Scrooge would be a fun ride)
9. Edgar Allen Poe (Who wouldn't want to hang with a drunk Poe? Toss in a raven or two, you've got a party!)
10. Edgar Rice Burroughs (Tarzen on speed... could be fun)
11. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (I just want to talk about the 7% solution....why only 7%?)
12. John Irving (After Owen Meany I am in awe of this guy.)
13. Harper Lee (I would've like to have been the one who goaded her into the second book)

First Day Back Full of Joy

Yesterday was the first day back to school and our clubs are full, the kids are happy, and the staff seems ready to pounce on making this another fantastic year. I made the rounds at the three inner city clubs and was treated to a gift of smiles, hugs, and happy "Hello Mr. Frustrated!" The excitement of school being back in session, hanging with their friends, and the new challenges of a new grade level seemed to permeate in every setting I visited.

What a kick it was to soak in their excitement and joy. I think this is one of the perks of the job you can't put in a benefits package as the smiles it brings can't be measured in any form of monetary units.

Yuppers, school is back in session and life is good.

When the sanctity of a blog is defiled

Had a long conversation with a friend last night who had written a blog about his belief in what ministry should look like. Less preaching, more ministering. I concur and have always thought the education process should be in smaller settings where there is discussion among the group and ideas are fleshed out and thoughts, traditions, and ideologies are questioned, defended, and each person allowed to develop their own faith through it all. Sermons tend to be aimed at the median, not really challenging those who are further along in their walk.

So my friend expressed his view, pointing out that his own preacher's strengths were in the pulpit but instead were in the one on one relationships, excelling at the ministering to the flock but because of the need for sermon preperation, was bound to his office doing administration and preperation while losing out on the opportunities to minister. Valid points, his opinion, his dream of what a ministering church would look like.

Well bless the anonymous agitator who felt compelled to email the post to the preacher in an attempt to "stir it up" and bring a little conflict into the picture. I'm sure they feel quite happy they were the one to defile the blog and "expose" the thoughts of my friend. Yep, probably a watchdog who is content to "contend for the faith" at the expense of others. Perhaps if they spent as much time ministering as they did monitoring then the world around them would be a better place.

As for my friend, the possibility of his having to delete a blog where he was supposed to be able to express his thoughts, his views, and vent his frustrations when he needed is indeed a shame. So much for the concept of web log and journaling our thoughts while seeking discussion. I guess it is true, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of judgmental yahoos.

I'm through venting now.

aaarrrrrrgggggggg!

I had written Tuesday Tidbits last night and thought I had posted them too. Can't find them anywhere. Not in my draft file or obviously in the blog posts. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGG!

Too depressed to rewrite them.

sigh.

speaking points

Giving speeches is part of the job and I don't mind talking in front of large/small crowds about the mission, successes, and needs of the kids I serve. You get to a point that the speaking points become natural and you have a pat speech in your head that is easily adapted to the audience you are speaking to as you head towards making the ask for their a) financial support b) community support and c) belief in your organization's ability to fulfill its mission.

I have to admit there are times I would love to stand up and give a speech totally off the subject with speaking points that left the audience thinking, "What the ....?"

Realizing this would take me dangerously close to be irreverent I will refrain from some of those fantasy speeches as such posting could come back and bite me in the buttocks. But man, the temptations in the middle of the night, staring at a ceiling and dreaming of giving one of those speeches is almost overwhelming. Control yourself, FW, control yourself. Sigh.

Sunday Simmerings

I see so many people in pain
Seeking solace or relief
Wanting to be whole again
Hoping they have enough belief.

Preacher man offers his thoughts
On sin, grace, life, mercy, and such
Sometimes hopeful, sometimes not
Sometimes he's not offering much

So in a room of tortured souls
Where guilt's quiet cancer grows
Fed by judges who are "in the know"
I wonder how far their love goes.

I have a suspicion the answer lies
Not in this room of sinners
But was found in time passed by
When blood made sinners, winners.

So listening to the judging few
As they examine the tortured throng
I wish they would bid us all "adieu"
Since we obviously don't belong.

I consider myself a spiritual man
Yet I can still see my flaws and tatters
But blood flowed and covered the span
Making me someone who matters.

Golf Tournaments Abound

I am working two golf tournaments this weekend for two local charities. One is for the United Way and the other is for the Volunteer Services Council. I know, that really isn't earth shattering news but since I am a guy who doesn't play golf, you have to wonder why I am working two of them in a row. Hmm, I like people so maybe it is the people that attract me to working these events.

Okay, actually it is the people who will benefit that attract me to these events so I will go out and get burned, sign people up, take pictures, and toss around phrases such as "I think the team in front of you just double eagled the par 3 on hole 17 (yes, I know that is impossible as an eagle would be a hole in one...)" or "I think I would use a pitching wedge, maybe a 5 iron...." which will show my ignorance of the game and give the players a reason to roll their eyes from something else beside the seventh beer they just consumed.

Well, time to get ready and hit the links. TGIF everybody.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I Fear the Most

While I don't fear much I do have plenty of concerns that possibly could be classified as "fears." Hmm... Anywho, here is my Thursday Thirteen.

1. Needles. Hate 'em, don't like 'em, almost faint at the sight of them.
2. Giving blood. While I will do it when the there is a need, I dread the whole experience (refer back to #1).
3. Going to a dinner where they serve liver. Egad, to think I would have to be polite and choke that down is terrifying!
4. I might hurt someone I love unintentionally. Worse, that they might not let me know it.
5. Getting caught between a clubful of kids and the snack table when they are ravenous.
6. Finding a half eaten worm in a peach.
7. Landing in an airplane. Taking off, flying, and everything else is fine... it just seems that it is the landing when it all could go south quickly.
8. Finding there is no coffee in the house/office on a particularly "coffee, I need coffee" day.
9. Finding out the only place to eat in town is called "Liver R Us" (see a pattern here?)
10. My parents dying. They are such great friends and mentors. It will be particuarly hard to let them go.
11. Losing one of my kids. I've watched my parents go through this hell and you never recover from it. I can't even begin to imagine the whole left in your heart if one of them should go before I do.
12. Not finding funding for all of the programs we offer the kids in our city.
13. Arnold S. will make another Terminator movie.

The Flood Gates Have Opened....Meetings Galore

Turning my lights on in the office, you can hear the scurrying of little feet as invitations to this meeting or that meeting scurry to bury themselves out of the eyesight of the light flicker. They leave evidence of their visit as I tape cute invitations to the wall, or stack them on my desk. I know there are no methods to exterminate them and that the invasion will be swell to plague status as the summer draws to a close and everyone in town gets back into the "school routine."

I'm not complaining (oh, okay, I am...) but perhaps there should be an unspoken law that says;

No meetings on Mondays

No meetings on Friday

All meetings have to be held on days that start with a "T"

Meetings can't last longer than 45 minutes and must be presented with liquid refreshment options.

All meetings should have "gimmes" so you have something to play with during the boring parts.

Meetings should start with a watergun shooting spree. Just to keep the mood light.

Facilitators should be drenched in some vile substance if they violate any of the preceding laws.

I know you could never get such laws past but wouldn't it me nice to know there would be at least three uninterrupted days of work during a week?

Gotta go and start to prepare for a meeting... sigh.

Tuesday Tidbits 8/8/06

International News

Frustrated Friendzied Forecasters Frantically Fuss Over Future Finding of Fidel!

Political pundits and prognasticating personnel are all in a tizzy trying to decide if the lack of news on Fidel Castro means he is dying, being replaced, or has slipped off to take a mini-vacation. No one has seen El Jefe' since the operation which brings about speculations from all sides.

"The people of Cuba no need to worry. El Jefe' is fine. He just need a leetle rest," is the common statement heard from senior officials. One pro-Castro group is convinced the leader of Cuba is running around the island incognito and has taken to stopping any cigar smoking and bearded man to see if it might not be El Jefe'. Hundreds of people have been shoved against the walls of buildings as suspicious folks dig through their pockets for identification.

"I wouldn't have minded the search so much," reports Abigal Gonzalez, "except I am not a man, I smoke robustos and not Churchills, my beard and mustache are really quite small, and I am at least three inches taller than El Jefe'."

The world will just have to wait to see how this week plays out to see if the prognosticators are correct in their guessing of El Jefe's fate.

National News

The Big Dig Reopens... Sort Of!

Bostonians are jumping for joy as a ramp has been repopened and once again they can travel underground to get to their destinations. The newly reopened section is only about 10% of the closed areas, but it is a start.

The $14.6 billion Big Dig highway project buried a highway network that used to slice through the city, creating a series of tunnels to take traffic underground. Although it's been billed an engineering marvel, the most expensive highway project in U.S. history has also been plagued by leaks, falling debris, delays and other problems linked to faulty construction. State and federal criminal investigations are also under way to determine if construction failures resulted from criminal negligence, and the system faces financial hurdles.

"Nothing criminal here." State Representative Golda Digger reported. "We made sure the project was built to specifications and the money was well spent. Why we even flew to the Bahamas to take a look at a set of brackets that would hold these huge honkin' slabs of cement in place just to make sure they were what we needed to have a safe and sturdy tunnel."

When she was reminded the brackets used were too small and the reason the slabs of concrete fell down and crushed motorists, Ms. Digger was quick to reply, "See, that is why we needed to stay two weeks to investigate those brackets instead of the one week we had. It just goes to show you can't rush important decisions such as tunnel brackets. Now I suspect people will be glad we took the full two weeks of investigating the sealing rubber mesh used to keep those tunnels from leaking. We had to go to the France to check those babies out."

Wondering if Ms. Digger believed strongly enough in the Big Dig project to take a walk through the tunnel, Ms. Digger replied to journalists, "I really can't do that as I have a phobia about cement falling from the sky in dark leaky tunnels..."

State News

Penguins Perish In Truck Accident

Twenty-five penguins were in peril, and four of them perished in an accident Tuesday along U.S. 59 north of Marshall in Northeast Texas.

A semitrailer load of penguins, exotic fish, an octopus and exotic birds bound from the Indianapolis Zoo to Moody Gardens in Galveston overturned about 5 a.m. One penguin was killed immediately. Three others that survived the initial rollover were then shot by hunters who thought they were oversized quail.

"I knowed they was different from other quails I seen but I thought maybe they was some of them exotic quails from over in Africa," said local Marshall resident John Luke Tomlinson. "I sure didn't knowed they was some kind of zoo animal. Did kind of wonder why someone would be hauling all them gators though as we gots plenty of 'em hanging around here."

The Moody Gardens has planned a memorial service for the extinguished penguins slated for tomorrow morning. Visitors are requested to dress appropriately. (Yes, that would mean a tux for the gentlemen.)

Editorial

Is it stalking or just concern?

With new stalking laws going into effect soon, I have to wonder if stalking shouldn't be better defined for the layman so you typical Joe out there will know when he or she has crossed the line. For instance, if a love sick boyfriend wants to plead his case to his recently ex-girlfriend, will he be stalking her if he follows her around, showering her with candy and flowers or does it only become stalking when he showers her with broccoli and asparagus instead? I called the Attorney General and asked for some guidance in understanding this new law.

TT: So when does persistance morph into stalking?
AG: Well, it isn't always easy to define the boundaries and you really have to take each case by itself to determine if stalking has occurred.
TT: Hmm, let's say I have a friend who is trying to get back with his girlfriend and so he has left her a few voicemails, sent flowers, and even sent a mariachi band to seranade her. Is that considered stalking?
AG: Depends if his ex-girlfriend has asked him to stop or not.
TT: Well she did ask him not to leave any more voicemails because she thought 27 voicemails was obsessive.
AG: I would agree with that.
TT: 27 voicemails is excessive? Really? Now I would agree that 28 voicemails could be construed as being excessive, but leaving 27 is just being adorable, right?
AG: Sounds like I should talk with your friend.
TT: Why? Are you going to tell me following her around in the Mall and sending pictures of her hanging out with an obvious gigilo is considered stalking too? What next? Are you going to tell me I, oops, I mean "he" can't hang outside her apartment at night peeping through her window because of deep concern over her personal safety?
AG: I really think maybe we should continue this discussion down at the police station.
TT: Why? You don't even know who my friend is...

It certainly appears the AG's office isn't even sure how to interpret the new stalking laws so how do they expect us too?

Volunteer Corner

Memory Walk Scheduled for Local Alzheimer's Switches Participants, Needs Volunteers

Julie Sue Simpson is seeking volunteers to help with the 2nd Annual Memory Walk to be held at Jimmy Bob Colburn Park. This year the event will take the traditional route and use volunteers to get sponsors and to walk the 5 mile course.

"Last year we used our clients and really raised some great funds but when we realized that none of them could remember where to walk and we spent the next 5 hours hunting them down, we decided to use the more traditional format. We believe our clients will be much safer at the center where they can wander around without fear of being lost."

Volunteers can pick up forms for sponsorships at the new Alzheimer's wing next to the hospital.

Movie Review

Tripping out with Tripping the Rift

I realize this is technically a television series but after watching it this weekend, I am thinking I would've paid to see these 3-D animated clips at the movies. I wouldn't suggest them for younger audiences but anyone who enjoys seeing the sci-fi genre made light of in a most witty manner will love these shows. The commander is a rogue, the nephew is an teen searching for his identity, the robot is gay (although he constantly claims he is not acting gay, he is acting robot), the First Mate is the ugliest and most sarcastic creature imaginable, with the only sane person in the group being the cyborg who just happens to be a knockout. Is this series irreverent? Absolutely. Does the series push the limits of good taste? Oh, for sure! But will it tickle you funny bone in an intellectual manner as well as in a slapsticky fashion to give you the best of both worlds? Oh yeah, baby, no doubt about it. I give this DVD five quills. Okay, maybe four quills since one scene from the series is fairly gross.

Disclaimer: As always the Tuesday Tidbits are sometimes true, partially false, and can be totally made up. Quote them at your own risk.

Monday!

Well it is Monday again and a new week with new challenges has reared it's ugly head for all of us to battle. Luckily, I think we can whup the Monday Monster and hang it's ugly head on a pike. Time to get out the ol' head loppin' sword and get busy.

Hope all of you have a most excellent Monday!

Goodbyes are never easy

My oldest and her husband are leaving tomorrow to Buffalo, New York. It is another adventure for them as she continues in her pursuit of a doctorate in literature. I am a bit envious of them as they have already enjoyed so many more adventures than I have even imagined and have a fearlessness for new experiences.

I've enjoyed having them close by. Chatting with her, having supper with them, and just enjoying watching them be adults has warmed my heart considerably. Tonight we will gather for a last meal at a mexican food place where they can get some great TexMex before heading off to the cold north where they don't appreciate a good jalepeno or chili pepper. It will be nice to enjoy this meal with them but I can already feel the sadness sinking in of knowing they will soon be gone.

Can't get over how blue I'm feeling today.

I already miss them.

Paper Kisses

The circle of hunters looked down upon the boxes of treasures with mixed emotions. For some the boxes represented nothing more than junk that should be discarded, either to a charity or to a dumpster. A few saw the boxes as potential financial gain, should something rare be found inside of them. But for the matriarch, these boxes contained priceless treasures; complete with stories, memories, and hopes she or her ancestors had once held.

The first box was opened and the contents poured out. What appeared to be a few random dishes, some silk napkins, and tarnished locket with a foreign scribbling on it, lay exposed to the eyes of the multigenerational group. The youngest hunter reached for the locket and smiled.

"It's pretty, Mama, will it open?" Her mother looked over towards the matriarch who nodded her assent with a hint of smile. Carefully she opened the locket to find two black and white photos, one of a startling beauty and the other of a striking young man in uniform. "Who is it?" the young hunter inquired.

"That was Thomas, my first husband." The mothers of the young hunters looked up startled.

"You were married to someone else before you were married to Pop? Does Pop know about this?" The matriarch smiled sadly, and with a nod began to explain how Pop and Thomas were best friends in high school. She had fallen madly in love with Thomas and when the war came, married him in a private ceremony in her parents' living room and had spent a short honeymoon with him over in Ft. Worth before he had to leave for boot camp. She spoke of their last kiss at the bus station and how the warmth of his lips seemed to linger for hours after he climbed onto that bus. Thomas loved the army and became a Ranger, fought in several different campaigns during the Korean War and had made good progress in his rank.

"The picture you see was the one he sent me after he graduated from boot camp and was about to be shipped off. I put it in the locket next to mine so that the two of us could be together, at least in spirit. Every night I would kiss the picture of him inside, close the locket and kiss the outside of it while I prayed for him to come home to me safely. Your Aunt Jolene called them my paper kisses and would tell me to stop before I kissed his image right off the paper."

"I can't tell you the joy I felt when a letter from Thomas told me he was being shipped home and would be back here in four weeks. When he called me from San Diego and said he was catching a bus home, I cried with happiness and started to plan a big welcome home party for him. There was going to be a cake, some finger sandwiches, punch, and your Pop had even come up with a band so we could all dance." The matriarch sniffled, wiped a small tear that had mysteriously appeared in the corner of her eye.

"I'll never forget when that phone rang and the voice on the other end started telling me how sorry they were because they had to tell me some bad news. My Thomas had been killed at a bus stop when some man tried to take his wallet. They struggled and the man had a knife and stabbed him. I never got to tell him a last goodbye and never got to kiss him again. The last kiss I shared with Thomas was another paper kiss as I closed that locket forever and put it into the box. Your Pop sure was a good friend in those days. He took care of the funeral arrangements, made sure I was taken care of, and afterwards when folks sort of forget about you, kept coming over to check on things. He fixed things around the house, worked on my old junker of a car, and made sure I was okay. One day he asked me if I would go on a picnic with him and promised it was nothing more than a friend taking a friend out to get her away from the house and the memories."

"We went over to the park where we sat by the pond and watched ducks herd their ducklings into the water and laughed at all the fuss they would make over their younguns. It was such a nice picnic and when we were ready to go, your Pop looked at me and said he missed Thomas and had never had a better friend. He was glad I was letting him fix things around the house but knew the one thing he could never fix was my broken heart. He sure wanted to though but knew it would be improper to ask me to even consider such a thing. I looked at him and asked him if he was asking me to marry him and he shrugged and said maybe he was doing just that but didn't want me to feel obligated to answer."

"Well I thought about it for a long time and over the next few weeks he courted me and I finally took him up on his offer. We were married in the little Baptist church over at Sulpher Springs and took up housekeeping. Wasn't long and you girls arrived and life moved on. I can't say there aren't times I stop and think about Thomas but I can say this, your Pop was wrong. He can fix anything, including a broken heart." The matriarch reached over and took the locket from the young hunter's hands, kissed the picture, closed it, and kissed the outside of the locket.

The second to youngest hunter reached out to touch the locket and asked, "Can I have the locket? I will keep it safe and treat it like the treasure it is." Her mother started to rebuff the child's impertinence when the matriarch smiled and placed the locket in her hand.

"Maybe one day you will have a young man whose picture will fit nicely in this locket. I just hope you never have to know the emptiness of a paper kiss, sugar."

The hunters continued to dig through the boxes of treasures, listening to stories told about each item and when the hunt was completed, the boxes sorted and stacked, it was for certain that these hunters had been successful in their acquisitions of priceless treasures, leaving the storeroom much wealthier than when they had entered.

The Great Funeral Parlor War

During the tradio show, the war of the commercials was almost as fun as the show itself as two funeral parlors were really taking shots at each other. A few samples of their commercials are needed... I have changed the name of the funeral homes for obvious reasons.

"At Johnson's Funeral Home we bring you the latest in funeral home technology. You will receive the expert and professional service you expect out of a quality funeral home."

"Bubba's Funeral Home has been serving this community since 1946. You grown up knowing our fine service and excellent prices. Does the other funeral home offer a $1,000 casket like we do?"

"In those trying times of grief and sadness, you need a friend who will take care of all your funeral needs. At Johnson's Funeral Home our kind and compassionate staff will pay attention to every detail and promise to assist you in every way possible through quality personal service."

"Did you know you have to be given a list of expenses when you purchase a funeral plan? At Bubba's we let you know where every penny is being spent on a list you can understand. Do the new folks in town offer you that option? You've known us for a lifetime and trust we'll do you a good job. Come to Bubba's for all your funeral needs."

I have to admit I wish there were more to offer you but those are the ones I can remember. I absolutely love the "Does the other funeral home offer a $1,000 casket?" line. I think I could write copy for Bubba's and maybe should get in contact with them to offer the following;

"You've grown up with us so now let us do your burying."

"We've been planting bodies since 1946. We know the people, we know the cemeteries. Come and let us plant your loved one today!"

"Not every funeral home knows the importance of local compassionate service like you find at Bubba's. We are there to hold your hand, give you tissues, and will haul your loved one's carcass to the cemetery in our top of the line Cadillac hearse. Come and do your grieving where the fine folks of this parish have been grieving for ages. That would be Bubba's Funeral Parlor, where every customer is a good ol' boy. A dead good ol' boy, but a good ol' boy nonetheless."

Signs that need explainin'

Just a few signs I saw on the road this week that someone should explain to me.

"Come and live among the wild oaks..." (As opposed to living among domesticated or tame oaks? Or perhaps these "wild oaks" are just a bunch of partying trees out to sow a few wild oats?)

"Affordable housing starting in the $300's" (When did a $300,000 house become "affordable housing?")

"Nobody does mecanicking like we do" (Next time I think you might want to pay someone to paint your catchy little phrase on the side of your shop. Preferably someone who knows how to spell...)

Southern Talk Radio

While I was driving into Shreveport on Thursday morning, I was treated to a delightful "tradio" show where people call in selling or wanting to buy stuff. The host was a young woman whose accent was so pronounced but fit in well with her audience. Every sentence was full of expanded one syllable words that stretched easily into two, sometimes three syllables. For instance;

dog - daw-awg
hound - how-und
call - caw-awl
well - way-ell

Toss in some of the questions and requests from the audience asked and you had great entertainment. A few of the excerpts...

"I need some concrete blocks. Does anyone have some for sell?" (Why yes, they have these cute fun places called HARDWARE STORES where they sell them quite inexpensively.)

"I have a Ford truck that is smoking but its still moving forward. I'll take $150 for it"

"That fellow that had the smoking Ford truck, did he say how much it was smoking?"

"I've got a welling machine I want to sell. It's one of them Miller welling machines that you can move around (you mean a portable WELDING machine?) and there was this young man who came and looked at it a few weeks ago but I didn't want to sell it then, but know that I want to sell it if he will just come back I'll let him have first crack at it." (Hmm, I'm sure everyone in Shreveport listens only to this radio show so the young man will definitely get the message).

Toss in the host's annoying rise in pitch at the end of each multiple syllable word and you really have a treat to help keep you awake on the highway. I have to admit I was tempted to call in and offer free English diction lessons but wasn't sure how to pronounce it properly in Louisianian so the folks would understand it.

My favorite line from the host...

"Oh-kay, we huh-ave blue tic puh-up-pees for suh-ale. Ah thank thu-ay are how-unds. If you wah-unt one, puh-leese caw-ull 555-5555..."

Oh-ka-ay, thu-at is e-nu-uff of thu-at.

Taking some days off

After a hectic and long summer, I am going to take three days off! Yuppers, going to do some travelling, relaxing, and forget about work for at least 30 minutes.

Hopefully will find some time to post.

Later.